Confident You NETWORK with Marion Swingler

HIGH-QUALITY LOVE AND MONEY: How to thrive in business and relationships with Aunty Shakey, The Financial Match Maker

March 19, 2024 • Marion Swingler • Episode 29

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Hey there Confident You! Have you ever wondered if love is enough to sustain a lifelong marriage? Brace yourselves for a candid conversation with Aunty Shakey, The Financial Matchmaker, who joins me to unravel the fairy tale illusions of love and matrimony. Together, we dissect the high divorce rates and challenge the notion that emotion is the sole glue binding a couple. Aunty Shakey imparts her invaluable insights on the parallels between crafting a meticulous life plan and a business strategy, highlighting the pivotal role of self-awareness and deliberation in steering our life's voyage and romantic endeavors.

Embarking on the transformative journey of self-perception, Aunty Shakey and I share anecdotes that underscore societal beauty standards' impact on our self-worth. Through relatable stories, we emphasize the potency of rewriting our narratives, the courageous embrace of self-love, and the significance of making strategic life choices. Aunty Shakey offers pragmatic advice on dating, relationships, and financial independence, charting a path for listeners to claim their confidence and autonomy, and recognize the value of their unique life story.

As we wrap up, Aunty Shakey and I delve into leveraging wealth and cultivating mutually beneficial relationships. We unpack the 'perfect serve method' for fiscal prosperity and share heartfelt guidance on the intricate dance of marriage and dedication. By shedding light on the crucial aspects of financial readiness, life insurance, and the transformative power of self-appreciation, our dialogue serves as a beacon of hope and direction for anyone striving to uplift their existence and fully seize the reins of intentional living.

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Marion Swingler:

Hey there. Confident you podcast. What's up? Confident you Listen. I hope you enjoy your day, your life, everything. I pray that you were able to take care of everything you need to take care of in this time, because in this time, in this space, the energy that we're about to be exposed to is very, very powerful and I'm going to need you to be ready. I need you to get ready. If you're not ready, Wait. So somebody told you that that was good. Is that what you're telling me Now? There's only two ways that this can go, Because either they lie to you or you lie to yourself, and we have someone here to shed light on the truth. I am so elated to have her here. Listen, we have royalty in our mess. We have the one and only. Can't be imitated, Won't be duplicated. The amazing and absolutely beautiful inside and out. Auntie Shaking oh.

Marion Swingler:

Ma'am oh my God, thank you. Oh my goodness, everybody, listen, hold on to whatever you think that is you have, because Miss Shaking is about to let you know she's going to shake up everything we think we're thinking. Listen, I want you to know. I didn't even want to have a pre-conversation, because she's so impactful and powerful, the things that she says are so profound, that I said let's just talk. You ready, I'm ready, let's do it.

Aunty Shakey:

Oh, my goodness, let me say this. Let me say this I am so excited to be here. I am so thankful for you. Oh, my goodness, your beauty, your wisdom, your energy. You got me on 10, so I already know this is going to be something crazy.

Marion Swingler:

Yes, yes, something crazy. That's that. That's Just saying something crazy. Give me something crazy that you would say Wait, somebody told you that that was good, not even on the topic we're talking about, just something random. So I told you that was good, that's not good.

Aunty Shakey:

Somebody told you that that was good, and it doesn't even have to necessarily be. I don't even know if I want to get spicy this early.

Marion Swingler:

Go ahead, please. I like spice in everything I do.

Aunty Shakey:

All right. So somebody told you that it was good to marry for love.

Marion Swingler:

Wait, somebody told you that somebody. He said somebody lying to you, or you lying to yourself, or you lying to yourself.

Aunty Shakey:

Let me let me clear up what I'm saying. Let me clear up what I'm saying. So what happens is we have all been told and we've been shown these fairy tales. We've seen the story of Cinderella, we've seen the story of Sleeping Beauty, we've seen all the fairy tales where the princess falls in love and they live happily ever after.

Marion Swingler:

It's amazing, it does? They fall in love and then the next thing is you're at the end and it's all Okay. I apologize for interrupting, but I never, ever, paid attention that there was no middle Go ahead. There was no middle.

Aunty Shakey:

There's no middle and we have all been lied to and bought into the fact that that's how it's supposed to go. Why, why? So, if love was enough, okay. If love wasn't was enough, why is the divorce rate 51%? Because somebody got to love, somebody got in love, to be in with. I just want to know. I just want to have a conversation about it.

Marion Swingler:

If love was enough, you rule. Why is the divorce rate 51%? Yes, I can say that most of the people that go to the I love him to the altar. That is the thing. Why did you choose? I love him, I love her. Why? What else needs to be? What else goes into that middle?

Aunty Shakey:

So here's what I think is extremely important and I love. I love the fact that that we're talking confidence. Right, that you talk confidence, because this is all in our confidence, so knowing exactly who we are and what we want out of life. So I'm in the financial space, right, and so I tell people all the time that it's important to make sure, just like you have a business plan when you go to the bank, right, the bank is not going to lend you money just because you say you need money, true, okay. Just doesn't happen like that. You need to go in with a plan. Okay, this is you're going to have a profit and loss statement. You know you're going to have a plan on how you plan to generate income, because if you're choosing to take out a loan, you have to have a viable way to be able to return that money that you loaned, right, right, okay. So the same way, we're willing to prepare to have a business loan. Why don't we have a life plan for ourselves so that life can give us all that we want it to give us? Just like with the bank, we want the bank to give us $100,000. Okay, I want my life to give me XYZ, but instead we leave our life up to chance. Hmm, we leave it up to chance. Whoever happens to cross our path during our time of weakness, during our time of pain, during our time of, whatever stage of our life we are in, we happen to fall in love with or choose whatever that emotion we are in, we end up settling for whatever comes in that path. So what I'm saying is I challenge you to do different. I challenge you to have a life plan, because if you have a life plan, it doesn't matter what stage of life you're in emotionally.

Aunty Shakey:

You can always refer back to the plan. You know what? Right now, I'm not really feeling myself. Hmm, I might be overweight, I might be, you know, on a verge of a nervous breakdown. I don't know what I'm going through right now, but whatever it is, I know that I'm not in my right mind. All right, let me go. Let me go to the plan. Let me go to the plan because this person has crossed my path. Does this person, does this person line up with the life plan? Oh, they don't, they don't. Then, oh, okay, I have to recognize I'm not in my right mind, so I can't entertain you.

Marion Swingler:

Okay, so I just need you. Okay, Listen, I asked a question. I didn't think there were bullets in the chamber to be fired. Okay, let the audience of confident you know who you are and what you do.

Aunty Shakey:

So that didn't come out, did it? Oh, my goodness. So my name is shaky Webster, affectionately known as Auntie shaky. I am the financial matchmaker and I help people find their perfect serve through stocks, insurance and real estate.

Marion Swingler:

They're perfect. I'm sorry, they're perfect sir. Yes, ma'am, okay, auntie, you have my undivided attention. You know I want to find a perfect sir through stocks, insurance and real estate. That's what I'm talking. That's what I am talking because if you're wise, you're positioning yourself to be found as a woman by someone of a certain caliber, because you have become a certain caliber, very wise you. I just want to know this is who you are today. Who were you as a child?

Aunty Shakey:

Who was I as a child? That's the answer. That's. That's a loaded question. That's a loaded question. So as a child, I was definitely one of those chunky kids.

Aunty Shakey:

Okay, I wasn't the popular one, I wasn't, you know, I was the one that was that was picked on all the time and because I was overdeveloped, so I had a really big chest and you know I had some weight on me and stuff like that. And you know, when you're in middle school, the boys can't appreciate a big chest at the time. Now you, now you grown, you know it's like they won't, they won't all love it. You know they couldn't really appreciate it then and I had such low self esteem, like I was really, like I was ugly. You know, it was just, oh, just, I was just that girl. You know I'm saying the nothing of the girl.

Aunty Shakey:

The guys would tease me. I remember this vividly and I don't know why. I fell for it for several different times. But they would play this game in the schoolyard and they would say, hey, can we tune in Tokyo? I'd say what we need to do in Tokyo and they would say it with such such urgency we need to tune in Tokyo. So I'm like, oh, okay, raise your hands, raise your hands. So, raise my hands, and then they would grab my nipples and they say tune in Tokyo, tune in Tokyo. Do you know how devastating, like devastating that was like? I will never, ever forget that. Now I'm a person I don't remember a lot in my childhood, but that's one of those ones that it's like it will never leave me.

Marion Swingler:

I've never, ever even heard that. I've never heard of tune in Tokyo. You said something. You said I was overweight, I had large breasts, but the thing that really, really grabbed me was the word ugly. You said I was ugly. What made you? Is that something you taught yourself, that you were ugly, or is that the perception that people fed you and you fed into it?

Aunty Shakey:

um, I want to say both. I want to say both. So you know some of it came from. You know all, the, all, the, the. What is that? The cheerleaders? You know they had the nice little shapes. You know all I had was the big chest.

Aunty Shakey:

But I know, booty, you know I'm saying through, but um but no, it was like I saw the, what the girls would look like. They got all the boyfriends, you know, and I just didn't look like them. And so I'm pretty sure that it was something that I projected on myself, that I deduced that I was ugly because I didn't get that same attention the way those girls did. Yes, that that I would be handled differently, that I am to be handled differently, because I felt like they were. While they were being asked to go to dances, I was asked to tune in Tokyo. You know, they were never asked to tune in Tokyo, right? So so, yeah, from that point I really was like, oh, wow, okay, this is me. And then also, I have mother, and God bless her.

Aunty Shakey:

Like I love her, I love my mother, um, and you know we all, as parents, do the very best we can yeah right, we're not perfect at all, and so I don't fault her at all but she's just very critical, very critical, and so you know there was nothing. It just didn't seem like there was anything about my appearance. That was ever enough, like I always felt like I needed to just be on in her presence, and so it was like, oh okay, so just being just no makeup, my hair not done, my nails not done. You know, I'm saying like that's not enough, so that also continued to feed into maybe you're not pretty got you, wow and so, wow, I did not expect that you're absolutely gorgeous.

Marion Swingler:

How do you transform and see yourself now? How did you get to where you are now? Because? Do you think you're ugly now? Because I? That's something you say in your mind and people say it and you're looking at my. What are you talking about? So I have to ask what you believe yeah, um.

Aunty Shakey:

No, I don't think I'm ugly today. I have a whole nother level of confidence. That certainly does not. Um that transformation though. That happened for me, probably about. I would say maybe about ten years ago. Maybe about ten years ago. Yep, I would say ten years ago. The reason why I would say ten years ago is because I literally just celebrated my 30th year anniversary from high school.

Aunty Shakey:

Our 30 year reunion is actually this year and I remember going to my 20th year anniversary and being real excited to go. You know, I hadn't seen so many because I moved to another state. I grew up in Chicago and I moved to Atlanta and I was super excited and the same boys that would talk, you know, make fun of me, and stuff like that. Well, girl, you remember when so-and-so girl, you remember that all the chilies were chunky you're rude, they was chunky and they had no money.

Aunty Shakey:

And let me, let me get my face together, because sometimes I could be real critical of a month, but just saying and so I was just in a different space. I was in a different space where, um, I had made some really, really smart investments, I had learned a lot about money and I had married money and I had married a person that could make money and so and that was by design, by the way. But but I say that to say that I definitely knew what life I wanted to live. I knew how I wanted to show up in life. While the first years of my life may have been me being an ugly duckling, the rest of the years of my life weren't gonna be that when did you make up your mind that it wouldn't be like?

Aunty Shakey:

that it was definitely that, like I said, 10, 10 years ago actually was before that, because it was when I got married to my, before I got married to my husband I identified. I did identify like who I was, because I had just kind of come into myself. You know, I'm saying like the, the boobs kind of matched with the rest of the body at this point. You know I'm saying and, and so I started getting a little bit more attention. So I was like, okay, well, maybe I don't look like I look, you know, and also it wasn't.

Aunty Shakey:

I didn't experience a whole lot of heartbreak because one of the things that I said, that my mother did say and when I tell you, I love my mother, I love her, she has, she's such a very wise woman but she told me she said I better not see you dating just one guy. She insisted on that. When I tell you she insisted on that she was like I better not see you just dating one person. I'm like what? And so I never dated one person. I was never.

Aunty Shakey:

All of my girlfriends will have a little boyfriends in high school, all a little boyfriends in college. Yeah, I had multiple people that I would talk. I would talk to. I was never faithful to anyone, and so what that allowed to happen and I again, that was wisdom from my mother's part was that it didn't allow me to settle down and be attached to any one person. So I never experienced heartbreak. All I did was have options quickly. I was, I was able to have, I was able to go through all of what I liked and didn't like quickly. Ha, all my girlfriends. They were going one by one. They were spending all a year, two years, to figure out this ain't the one. And then it got to start all over again. And then they got to start all over again. Well, get three or four at a time and it's easy to identify what you want three or four at a time.

Marion Swingler:

Did they know that they were not the only pot on the stove? I'm sorry you need me to repeat that you couldn't hear me, did I don't know sign language? I'm not making fun of nobody. Did they know? Ma'am, you can hear smoke signals. You can hear me. You can hear, yes, I'm part Cherokee. You can hear me. You see the baby hairs?

Aunty Shakey:

yeah it's hilarious. No, I didn't know they didn't, they didn't, they didn't, didn't. But here's the thing nobody was ever serious like I mean, it was never this. You, my man, I'm your woman. This is what we do, you know, maybe some of them really thought they were.

Aunty Shakey:

Yeah, so I couldn't get attached, because that's literally where our this is where our suffering comes in. Our suffering comes in in our attachment to things. Hmm, so, when we're attached to something and then that something goes whether it be people, whether it be places or whether it be things we're distraught. And so I remember reading this book, and I wish I could, and I said one day I'm gonna find this, but I read in this book that they said the cure to suffering is to detach from people, places and things.

Aunty Shakey:

And so I had been in this place where I was suffering for so long because I was suffering with, you know, with issues with my mother. Right, I was suffering with issues with my child. I was suffering with issues with my husband, I mean everything. I was suffering with the fact that, you know, we, we had millions of dollars and then we lost it all and so I had to, you know, move out my beautiful home. And all of this, all of my suffering, came because of people, places and things. Yeah, because I was so attached to it. But when I started making the confession that I detached myself from people, from places and from things, my life got different, my life got happier, I started moving lighter and yeah, that's just Wow.

Marion Swingler:

You talk a lot about your mom. So growing up as a kid, what did you see? You said how you thought of yourself and what you recognized around you and about you. What did you recognize gleaned from in your mom? You talked about the things that kind of you feel like were adverse. I guess I would say I hope that's the right word for it but let's talk about what did you glean from your mom that you took into adulthood, that you like, oh no, this right here, baby, this everything you want.

Aunty Shakey:

Yeah, my mom's a gold digger and I'll pause.

Marion Swingler:

Oh, I asked.

Aunty Shakey:

What the heck bro.

Marion Swingler:

Sorry, what the heck? I don't want to repeat my question. You repeat my question back to me, maybe. I just want to the question.

Aunty Shakey:

You asked me what did I glean from my mother? And what did I say? Oh, I got to. You know, that's the one thing I got to do. Mary will.

Marion Swingler:

Your definition of gold digger.

Aunty Shakey:

Okay, and I'm glad you asked. I'm glad you asked what my definition of a gold digger is. Okay, so we're all digging for something. We're all digging for something. Sometimes we don't even know we're digging. Sometimes it just ends up in our shoe. Have you ever walked on a beach? Have you ever?

Marion Swingler:

walked on a beach with shoes on or flip flops on.

Aunty Shakey:

You happen to find a pebble in your shoe.

Marion Swingler:

My goodness, okay, yes.

Aunty Shakey:

Some people end up having babies with the pebbles in their shoe.

Marion Swingler:

You're not going to brush past that. Say now what? Say that again, I need you to wait. Wait, hold on, hold on, wait, let me drink some water. Give me a minute, okay, I don't want to mind my business. Hold on, ma'am, say what now Rewind, wait so Walking on the beach. No, I don't want to go next to the water. No more, I'm going to. That's why people of other persuasions vacation in the snow. They go skiing. We're going to the wrong Ma'am, go ahead. I'm sorry, I'm going to the wrong thing.

Aunty Shakey:

Oh gosh, but yeah, no, okay. So we find we didn't purposely look for or dig for, but this pebble in our shoe happened to, you know, happened to happen, okay. So all I'm saying is we all end up scooping up something, okay, whether it be sand, okay, that just sifts through our hands. Okay, whether it be clay that we didn't have to mold together, or gold, or gold, where we just got to, we just got to scoop up a little bit of sparkle, but it already showed up with value.

Marion Swingler:

Where did I? What beach is that? I don't? I got my paper and my pen. Tell me what beach that is so I could put it in my GPS. I'm going to go right now. I'm going to go right. Listen, I just want you to know I'm going right now, what address, I think, what the. I think I just fainted for a second.

Aunty Shakey:

I think I fainted for a second. Oh my gosh, that is hilarious. That is hilarious.

Marion Swingler:

So just oh my gosh that is hilarious, so tell me how to get there. There's no address. You can give me the directions, though I can give you the directions.

Aunty Shakey:

I can give you the directions, and actually, actually, I can't give you the directions. I can tell you how to make the directions up yourself, which is that life plan. You wouldn't even end up on that beach if you knew your life plan.

Marion Swingler:

I don't you. You just okay? So, since I'm the only person on the screen with you, I feel like I'm getting shot, like I'm bleeding right now. So, white top, but it's getting red. You are busted in. Everything I love. I told y'all be ready, don't get ready. I see shaky is coming and the shake is for real. Go ahead.

Aunty Shakey:

But I'm just saying your life plan, your life plan will have you wherever gold is, because your life plan isn't going to put you, isn't going to put you, in a beach, on sand, or maybe it will. Maybe your life plan is, you know, maybe you've got some of those. You know, captain, say the whole vibe since out of you, and so you do want someone, that that is clay. You, you do want to dig for clay, but if that's your life playing and that's what you're gonna end up with. But my life plan was oh, I'm going to live well, I'm going to live well, I'm going to live it, leave a life of legacy For three to four generations, and I can't do that with a clown.

Marion Swingler:

I'm sorry Did you? Why are you going on homie like?

Aunty Shakey:

I, oh yeah, oh, I'm with the homie, homie D. Why are we going there? I'm sorry, homie D.

Marion Swingler:

Homie D clown we really. Why are we going?

Aunty Shakey:

I'm sorry.

Marion Swingler:

I'm so sorry. It's my life. I'm keep lifting my life. I'm with you, ma'am, come on, I'm ready. I'm sorry. What if you?

Aunty Shakey:

say you, if you want what you say, you want Every single person. So when I, when I say that I'm a gold digger, that's not just for me and my spouse, but that's also my friends. My friends aren't saying, my friends are not clay, my friends a gold too. And if I have to get to the point where they somehow went from you know, went from Gold to no longer shining anymore, then it's my responsibility. Okay, girl, let me fuck you up. Let me fuck you up because you giving you giving clay energy right now, you giving sand energy right now. But I've already seen the gold in you because I, I chose you Because of my life plan. You're in my life because of my life plan. So, whether I the child that I have, I have one child. Yes, that child is gold.

Aunty Shakey:

And so my daughter-in-law, my son, just got married in June. She's a gold digger. Okay, she's a gold digger and I'm proud of her for that. I'm proud of her for that. I'm proud that she saw gold in my son, that she saw fit, that he's a good, he's a good person for her to be able to commit her forever after with. I'm proud that I created someone that a gold digger would want. That is next level. Cuz think about it. I'm proud of her for that.

Marion Swingler:

I'm proud that she saw gold in my son. That is next level Cuz think about think about it, would you?

Aunty Shakey:

Would you, would I rather a gold digger, a person, be attracted to my son, who is a gold digger, which means that he has gold inside of him yes, right, versus a Grown woman. Just seeing the fact that my son, you know, looks good and stuff like that and she just wants to take care of him and he'd stay up on her couch and he okay with doing it.

Marion Swingler:

Yes, no, no. So how? How? You are auntie shaky, I your auntie shaky the financial matchmaker, it's. You got me messed up. I just want you Everything I love. You got me messed up. You are auntie shaky the financial Matchmaker, and so you're talking finance and relationships. How do you help people get there?

Aunty Shakey:

yeah, so so I, I've helped them get there through my perfect serve method. So that is the method of stocks, insurance and real estate, and the reason why I say Stocks, insurance and real estate, because those are the three financial tools that will help you not only create wealth, but also leverage it and keep this faith. Okay, all of the billionaires of the world. That's how they make their money. It's true stocks, insurance and real estate. And so so, back when I was right after college, I had my son my last year in college. And here it is I'm living this super average life, super average life, and I have this, this son, and I'm Back home living with my mother and father.

Aunty Shakey:

Okay, my parents have been married for 52 years, so I have a great example of what, you know, a good relationship looks like, because they have a great relationship. But I met home with my mother and my mother says there's only one queen being a hot. You're right, you are right. Let me go get my own high. Let me go get my own high. Now you do realize it takes money to get your own high, okay, so how do I get money to get my own high? So that's when I start studying and I start getting into. You know, okay, how does money work? I know I don't. You know my parents aren't entrepreneur. Well, yeah, my mother was an entrepreneur, my mother did everything entrepreneurial and my father, you know, worked in nine five. He worked at the phone company, and, and.

Aunty Shakey:

So here I am, you know, with this, with this little child, trying to find my way my own way. And so A Year after that, a year or two after that, my brother was killed, and, and, and so it's me and my brother that are associated with that are some of my parents, okay, together, and so my father has two children before us, and so, anyway, my brother was killed and my parents had just gotten life insurance on On all of us, the entire family, a year prior, okay, and I got to see how my parents were able to mourn the loss of their child, and it was very different. Like I said, I'm from Chicago and so we've seen a lot of loss in in our, in our neighborhood, okay, and so I was able to see how they mourn the loss of their child. It was very different from how my other friends mourn the loss of their children okay.

Aunty Shakey:

Mm-hmm. So? Or their parents mourn the loss of their children, and so they had to go back to work. You know, child died on Monday but at next Monday they were back at work.

Aunty Shakey:

Mmm, I Can't even imagine. I Cannot even imagine the fact that you just buried a child on Friday and on Monday you have to go back and put a smile on your face and say, yes, sir, yes, ma'am, how can I help you? It's imaginable To think of that. Well, my parents were able to take that insurance money and they were able to go off to Vegas. They bought a home in Vegas, that's, and my brother was killed in February, and that was in the middle of of winter, so they got to spend the whole winter in in a hot climate. They didn't have to show us no stuff like that, you know. It just brought a different quality of life to them as they mourn. But as I'm looking at this, I'm like you know what? Hmm, something's got to change about my life and money is the secret to that. Hmm, money is the secret to that. Now I mean, don't, I don't want to take away faith. I mean, I take away faith because faith is a big part of all of this.

Marion Swingler:

Okay, and I say wait, because people get it wrong. It does not. It is saying that money it how you use anything. So let's take money, let's take the word money off I anything can be used demonically. Anything, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, anything. So I think that's the problem with us. But as a race I'm sorry I'm about to get on my soapbox, I'm going to get off one minute, mm-hmm. But as a race, we were brought here in the way that we were talked about. Money is on purpose, so we wouldn't see the value in it, so that we wouldn't want it, that we would think something was wrong with anyone of ours who did want it. Come on, that's. It was done on purpose. But if you're a true Christian, you want to be in the position of being able to actually help. You can't actually help to the depths of how you want to help if you're not in position to Robert L Smith, the billionaire, the richest black man, the wealthy from the word rich to wealthy, the wealthiest black man still alive this day.

Aunty Shakey:

Yep, he fine too.

Marion Swingler:

The ultimate auntie was able to go to more house and actually make a difference with money.

Aunty Shakey:

Yeah, paid off student loans.

Marion Swingler:

You know what I'm going to give this commencement and I'm going to go ahead and knock that off so y'all can start fresh and clean.

Aunty Shakey:

That's impact.

Marion Swingler:

That's impact. That is exactly what we're supposed to be able to do, so you don't have to qualify that right there. Oh no, she knows forward and back. You don't have to qualify faith with money. Apologize them all. There we go, I'm down. I'll never let the box go.

Aunty Shakey:

Listen, I'm so glad that you said that, because oftentimes I have to censor myself in that way because some of the Bible thumpers will get on you. Well, you know you didn't let God out of this. No, how do I leave God out of like he's with me, like he's here with me right now, holding this whole?

Marion Swingler:

conversation. His word literally says that we are kings and priests. To be a king. You can't be a king of no junk. You're not broke and you're a king. It's called us to live and exceeding abundantly. Above all, we can ask, think. Or the next time they in your class call your girl I got you, don't know, then this may not be the class for you if you don't want to live the abundant life that God has now. Adam and Eve were put into the garden. That garden was abundant.

Aunty Shakey:

It was abundant.

Marion Swingler:

They didn't have to work for nothing. Everything they actually needed, wanted and could not even think of was already there. We messed it up. We always go. I'm sorry I'm back on that, but I told you I don't go too far from it, but we always go. Oh, I wouldn't have done that, adam. They couldn't just not all day.

Marion Swingler:

Every day we're doing stuff we should not be doing, constantly touching hot stoves that people have clearly said yo, that's hot, don't do that, don't go down there, don't call that person, don't. No, that's not the way, that's not the how, that's not the who, that's not the what. We all have done it. It doesn't have to equate to what was done in that moment. We have done it time and time again. So, yeah, it's when we were brought here and we were brought here from a land where we owned and we were actually Kings and Queens and we had we were royalty, stripped of everything and then made sure that if we can break them apart don't you listen? If we could break them apart, they would be so focused on trying to get back together. They won't be paying attention of how much we stripped from Focus on trying. So that's why it's always this let's pull them apart, let's pull them apart.

Aunty Shakey:

You got, so you think we're actually focused on getting back together? I don't think we're focused on getting back together.

Marion Swingler:

No, I think in that moment that's what that moment got it, in that moment Getting here off the ships, let's break them apart, because together they're strong if we can break them apart. So that's why it's that crab that they actually got us into, this crab in a bucket mentality. Even on the slave plantation there was someone, there was a house in and a field in. So even in that they're separated where they pulled us.

Aunty Shakey:

Let me speak to that. When it comes to that crab in a barrel and this goes back to me and the perfect serve method that I have there's something that I forget who exactly said it, but leverage is the language of the wealthy. Okay, leverages the language of the wealthy, which means that the wealthy know how to use other people. Okay, and I want everyone to be clear, we're all being used.

Marion Swingler:

We're all being used and we're all using each other, and we're all you, exactly, we're all using each other.

Aunty Shakey:

It is very clear what this is you and I are doing here, right? Right, we're using each other, yes, okay, the only thing is is that you don't want to misuse anyone, right? But what we're creating here is leverage. Yes, we're creating leverage together, together, together, which is the only way that we can get to where we're trying to go. If you truly are trying to create some sort of legacy, some sort of wealth of any kind, of any kind, you have to use leverage, yes, and so, if so, if what you're saying is oh well, I'm going to bring you down, okay, so that I can get up to the top of the barrel, use flash.

Aunty Shakey:

You won't get there. You won't get there, but you know where you, how you can get there is literally everybody helping that other crowd. All right, cool, it's one of us. All right, you go ahead, you climb up on top of me. All right, boom. All right, you go ahead, you climb up on top of me. But everybody's so afraid of being the last one in, everybody's so afraid to be the last one in thinking that if everybody else gets in, that they won't be able to get to the top. But because there are so many people at the top, do you realize they can now actually form, form an arm to reach down and be able to pull up the last crowd? Come on here. But you don't think that way. You won't think that way. All you're thinking about is yourself.

Marion Swingler:

Yes, and how you are a gold digger, our gold digger, selfish.

Aunty Shakey:

Absolutely, absolutely. I'm the most selfish, the most selfish person I know. I consider me before I consider anybody else.

Marion Swingler:

I think that everybody is selfish. I think that you're selfish if you put everybody before you and place yourself beneath everyone and don't think of yourself. You're a selfish person because you're putting the pressure of your peace, your joy on someone else and them making it, them being successful, them even turning around and appreciating you, when you should make it and appreciate yourself. If it comes from you first, it helps others to see that that is the standard of how you are to be treated. So are you telling me that, as a gold digger, you've set a standard for a caliber of man that you are in pursuit, that should be in pursuit of you?

Aunty Shakey:

Absolutely Well, I'm in pursuit of. So I asked my husband to marry me. Come on here. I mean, we can talk about what the good book and its interpretation says, but it is an interpretation because this hit that we got going. It was all God. It was all God. The pursuit of this man was all God. Yes, the choosing of him was God.

Aunty Shakey:

Yes, I had a need. This man was available to meet the need. I had a seven year old child who his father I love his father, I love his father, his father are really good friends and that's all we've ever been is really good friends. But I needed an example for my son and I needed me and my son to live well. I needed us to live well. And I saw a guy that I worked with and I said you know what? He's funny looking, he's a homebody. I'm not going to have to, in the daylight, be with a flashlight, look at ball, where you at, where you at. No, no, I needed security. That's what I needed. And if, at the end of the day, I needed to learn to, you know, love him and stuff like that.

Aunty Shakey:

I remember our wedding day. He thought that I was two hours late and he didn't think I was coming, because he knew what this was. He knew I didn't love him and he was super nervous. And so we show up on the wedding day and it was interesting when the minister said for us to kiss, it was like because this was kind of our first time kissing in front of everybody, right. So it was like this like quick peck, like like it was so quick, how you kissing for the first time in front of all of these people. It was, it was crazy.

Aunty Shakey:

But he had an assignment. He had an assignment. His assignment was to provide. His assignment was to create a happy home for us, a comfortable home, sustainable home, right, and to be faithful. And that was my role as well. My role was to be a faithful woman to him, to provide him with a child Okay, we never had a child outside of, outside of my son but to provide him with with a home, with a family, which is what I did.

Aunty Shakey:

And I sucked at it. I was horrible at it. I was horrible, I was a horrible wife for the first seven years, for the first seven years. And finally he exploded and he said I can't take this anymore. I can't do this with you anymore. Because when I tell you I was awful, like I would do things like he would say I don't eat spicy food, let me put extra spice on the food. I wouldn't, I wouldn't clean the house, I wouldn't do you know, I just come and go as I please. I was horrible, horrible and, like I said, he wanted to go to counseling because we went to church, we went to counseling, we went to counseling and we went to counseling and the counselors said it was a couple and they said, ok, well, you know, walter, you write down.

Aunty Shakey:

I had to stop my camera from moving, but they said, walter, you tell us what's wrong? Ok, tell us what's wrong. What are your issues with? Shaky Right? And in shaky, you write down your issues with Walter. Ok, I only had one thing, and my one thing was I want him to make some more money. That was my one thing. Well, he is side had stuff on both sides. Ok, he was like this, this, this, this, this, this, this. Ok, uh-huh, you know how they say ladies first, right, so, ok, I go first. And they said they spent 45 minutes on him, 45 minutes on him on telling him why he needed to make more money. Now, mind you, he was making up good money already, but they got on him about how he needs to make more money. He was definitely making probably three times as much as the person that was even counseling us, OK.

Aunty Shakey:

And so when he got to me, they said, now shaky, you know, just because he not doing what he's supposed to do as a man, you can't treat him like he's a child. I said, noted, and we prayed out. We're walking to the car, it's just me, me and him walking to the car. And I could see my husband's face. His head is hung low, defeated, like not even church, not even God can get me out of this mess. And so the spirit of grace, kindness and love came upon me and I looked at my husband's face and I turned his face toward mine and I held it just like this and I said I will never, ever talk to you like that again, I will never treat you that way again. And that right there was the start of our happily ever after.

Aunty Shakey:

I saw him differently, I moved differently, like there was just this, this spark of something right. To see someone else treat him the way I had been treating him was what it was. What I needed to see is what I needed to see, and so I really was being extremely. I was being a brat. That's really what I was being. I was being a brat because in my head I'm like, well, no, I should be living in a mansion right now. Where's my, where's my servants, where's my, where's my driver? I was being a brat, a whole brat, but anyway, that's that. That's that story.

Marion Swingler:

Okay, okay, do you love him now?

Aunty Shakey:

Listen, marion, it's very difficult to not love a person that consistently shows up, that consistently knocks the ball out of the park. I mean every assignment he's ever been given. He's not only just done it, he's excelled at it. But I knew he would. He's gold. I'm a gold digger. I purposely, I purposely, married gold because I knew that's the way gold would show up. Now, if I ended up with sand or if I ended up with clay, then I wouldn't have those expectations. I wouldn't know that that's how they would show up. But I knew gold would show up that way and so I love that man. Yeah, oh, my gosh.

Aunty Shakey:

Now let's just say two weeks ago we celebrated 20 years of marriage. This ain't new, right, this is not new. So we 20 years into this. But that's the reason why I tell people all the time that I did not marry for love. And we've we literally have outpaced all of the other friends that got married the same time. We did it. They're all now divorced, but they married for love because, you know, johnny was cute. Tyrone made them laugh, okay, but Tyrone ain't paid no bills. Tyrone hitching a ride with with his boy he's driving on the passenger side and his homeboys ride.

Marion Swingler:

Because Erica said you better call Tyrone so you could get your stuff. So Tyrone's supposed to have a core, he's supposed to be driving. I don't listen.

Aunty Shakey:

Oh, that's right. Tyrone is the one that got the car. Yeah, he's picking up. Oh, okay, he's picking up Pookie. So bad, I'm so bad.

Marion Swingler:

I don't like how quickly you catch on, ma'am. Priceless, priceless, priceless, priceless. I want everyone to understand that your definition if you have not heard what Auntie Shaky has said, she is telling you that your definition of gold digger is wrong.

Aunty Shakey:

Yep, absolutely.

Marion Swingler:

Your definition, your mindset, your thinking, your understanding of gold digger is wrong. She said when somebody told you that that was good, it was with that, that was good, yeah, okay. So either they lie to you or you lie to yourself because you know that going well, that's not what you want. And so, auntie, I want you to tell the people how they can have an opportunity to connect with you and to work with you to make that plan so that they are purposely digging for go, okay.

Aunty Shakey:

So you all can connect with me on Instagram or on all social media platforms at auntie shaky, okay, and also, listen, in October, I have a five day challenge coming up. Okay, I don't want you all to miss this five day challenge. In this five day challenge, we're going to cover several, several things. We're going to cover getting your credit right. Listen, ladies, we're going to talk about the first. What you don't want to do is go into a relationship with bad credit. Okay, we're also going to talk about how to get funding for your businesses.

Aunty Shakey:

We're going to talk about taxes. Listen, I know a lot of us are afraid to handle these taxes. Okay, or we may not know all of the tax laws, but we're going to talk about that as well. And then we're also going to talk about learning a new skill of wholesaling. Okay, so you're going to be able to buy real estate with no cash and no credit. I know people tell you that you need something, but I'm going to be able to show you that you can buy real estate with no cash and no credit.

Aunty Shakey:

And then, lastly, I am going to show you how to grow, leverage and protect your wealth. I'm going to show you different, different financial vehicles that you can use that literally gives you insurance on your money. Okay so, and we're going to clear up some of those misconceptions that we have around different vehicles like 401ks Okay yeah, I'm not going to get me on these 401ks, but 401ks and stuff like that. Okay so, I'm just going to come and debunk a whole lot of stuff. So you definitely want to go ahead and register for the challenge and then also, if you just want to connect with me all together, you can find me at the financial matchmaker.

Aunty Shakey:

Listen, I cannot wait to connect with you all and I love these conversations. Mary and I absolutely love this and I and you know it's my, it's like my life's work to you know how people say what's that one thing you'll do for free? Hmm, that one thing I'll do for free is talk to women and speak to them in a way to remind them who they are and that they are the prize. Hmm, they are the prize.

Marion Swingler:

Who they are and remind them that they are the prize. Amazing Auntie, I listen. Before you get out of here, I told y'all be ready cause she stay ready. Before you get out of here, could you share some confident tips with everyone on digging for gold?

Aunty Shakey:

Hmm, hmm, hmm. Okay, tip number one make sure you have that life plan. I'm not playing with you all. Listen. I have had way too many people that I've told get these life plans for, and as soon as you don't do that life plan, that pebble ends up in your shoe and they end up in your bed, and then you raise them a child, um, but anyways, uh. And then two okay, listen, there is no one more beautiful and more smarter than you are. I just need you to believe that. I need you to walk in, that I need you to stand in, that I need you to stand in that there's nobody more beautiful, more wise, more loving than you are. I just need you to convince yourself of that for yourself.

Aunty Shakey:

Okay, and then, lastly, girl, you better wake up and be you every day, all day. Adorn yourself Like if there's something that you see in you that that you love the most of, be grateful. Be grateful for that thing. Adorn yourself in that thing. If you love your hair, if you love your tresses, do your tresses. If you love the way your eyes look, girl, be bad in them eyes, but I want you to literally take every piece of yourself, identify what you love. And then let's move on to another section. Oh, I love my eyebrows today. Okay. Now I love my eyes today. I love my nose today, every single part of your body. We got to get to the point where we love it all. We love it all. We might not like it sometimes, we might not like the little belly right here, okay, but we got to love it all, okay. So those are my three tips that I have.

Marion Swingler:

Okay, so those are my three tips that I have. Listen, even down to the little belly. Guess what? The only way you can like or not like it is if you live in so you better like your life, make it worth something, make it count. I want to thank you, auntie Shaky, for coming through and showing us how we can love on ourselves, how we can love on ourselves. I just you know I am now. You have transformed my thinking. I just want to let you know that you have transformed my thinking in an interview. I'm interviewing you and you're sitting here molding my mind because now I get it.

Marion Swingler:

You're a gold digger. Because you're gold, why would you put yourself somewhere else? Why would you put yourself in sand? Why would you put yourself in clay If you could see yourself as the gold that you are? You're going to make sure you're digging for gold. Come on, right. And you said you picked your husband. I want to get into that, because after this we're going to go into the after party. Come on, stop, don't do it to me. It don't take nothing. Listen, it takes nothing. I am happy to be going into the after party and discussing this with you. Thank you so much. I am honored and privileged that you stopped by to share with the confident you family.

Aunty Shakey:

This was an honor. I had so much fun. I know I probably talked a lot into way too many stories and we didn't talk about enough money, but thank you so much.

Marion Swingler:

We can talk about that in the after party. We can talk about more money in the after party. Yes, all right, thank you so much yet again. Listen, everyone providing value, providing impact. You should be growing and getting better with each and every episode. My goodness, auntie Shaky came and shook it up. Listen, if you are or you know someone that is suffering at the hands of domestic violence, please reach out to Bethany House. 1-888-80 helps. That's 4-3-5-77. Or you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE, 7233.

Marion Swingler:

And before I get out of here, please make sure that you like, share and subscribe. You know, you know that oneness out there and you looking at her like girl. Why do you keep picking that? That's because they don't have a plan, as Auntie Shaky said. Listen, you want to get that plan, so the perfect person to work with is Auntie Shaky so you can get that plan and plan a better life. Share this episode with those that are finding sand and pebbles in their shoes that are molding clay, because they're actually gold, and so that's what they should be digging for gold, my goodness, whole another understanding of gold digger. Like, share, subscribe. Click that notification bell. Follow on social media at ConfidentYouUnderscorePodcast Again, underscore, because there is so much more to come and at Marion Swingler, I am honored and privileged to serve you with all of the vital information that I get to share here on ConfidentYou. See you in the next episode.