Confident You NETWORK with Marion Swingler

BONUS #3 THE AFTER PARTY: REIMAGINING WEALTH AND COMPANIONSHIP: Auntie Shakey's Guide to Mastering Finance and Love from CYP eps 29

March 21, 2024 • Marion Swingler • Episode 3

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Welcome to The After Party! Embark on a financial and personal renaissance with Auntie Shakey, the acclaimed financial matchmaker, as we unravel the art of making money work for us. Prepare to shift your mindset from simply settling debts to creating wealth and seizing the myriad of choices financial freedom offers. We'll confront the allure of comfort zones and why breaking free is essential for prosperity. With Auntie Shakey's sharp insights, uncover the nuances of opportunity costs and how a sudden windfall, like winning the lottery, could be a pivotal moment for more than just debt repayment. This isn't a conversation about money - it's about the life-changing decisions we face and how strategic financial thinking can open doors we never knew existed.

Life's grand tapestry is woven with tales of faith, love, and the quest for self-awareness — themes that resonate deeply within our souls. This episode is a candid reflection on the intersection of these elements. I recall my journey toward faith and how it sometimes clashed humorously with my pre-existing lifestyle. Delving into the societal expectations that loom over relationships, we scrutinize the pressures of different faith backgrounds and the true qualities that forge a lasting partnership. Auntie Shakey joins us to discuss the importance of aligning our values with those of society while navigating the delicate balance between individual beliefs and familial influences.

Finally, we are inspired by the biblical story of Ruth and Boaz to master the delicate dance of positioning in life and love. This narrative isn't just about being in the right place at the right time; it's about intentional actions, recognizing your value, and making wise, strategic choices. Through the lens of this ancient tale, Auntie Shakey guides us in redefining companionship and challenging the traditional hierarchies in relationships. We explore why mutual respect and collaboration are the cornerstones of modern partnerships and how these principles can lead to true companionship and financial synergy. Join us for a thought-provoking conversation that might redefine your approach to life and love.

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Speaker 1:

yo, you are officially in the after party, episode 29, with the one and only the amazing, oh my goodness, absolutely beautiful and wise auntie shaky. That's you. That's you, that's you. She is the financial matchmaker. Now, in the end of the episode, you said I didn't really get to talk about the financial component, so I yield the floor to you so I don't wait.

Speaker 2:

I felt like there was something else we said that we were going to talk about. Yes, yes, wait.

Speaker 1:

I felt like there was something else we said that we were going to talk about. Yes, yes, what was it looking around? Wow, talk about the financial component. It's going to come to us. It's okay, it's the after party.

Speaker 2:

It's coming okay. So now that I'm with the after party, I can put my knees up.

Speaker 1:

Yes, ma'am do your thing, do your thing, it's coming, okay. So now, now that I'm with the after party, I can put my knees up, I can relax.

Speaker 2:

Yes, ma'am, do your thing, do your thing. We're in the after party now, um, but you know what? Uh, I was telling the story about how I was average, right, and how I ended up, um, uh, making a decision that I no longer wanted to be average. Okay, and so what? The reason why? Because I realized that money allows you to be able to. Most people aren't afforded. Okay, so I don't get extra money for for just the sake of getting money, so that I can, you know, buy fancy things and drive fancy cars and stuff like that. Okay, I don't, I get money and go for money so that I can have more options. That needs to be the goal. The goal has to be I just need the ability to have more options, and so, if you don't see getting money in that way, then you can choose to just be comfortable, and some of us are just too comfortable to get wealthy.

Speaker 2:

Have you ever found yourself? I mean, I found myself there. You know what I'm saying, mary. Have you found yourself? You know what I'm saying, mary? Have you found yourself? I'm just really comfortable right now, whether it be on a nine to five or in a situation, a relationship or anything like that you know what I'm saying. You're just comfortable. You're comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time.

Speaker 1:

At the same time and you're comfortable with being uncomfortable, you're comfortable with being uncomfortable, you're comfortable with being uncomfortable you become complacent, I so I'm saying this because, yes, I definitely know what you're speaking of- yeah, and so so I challenge people that, in that space of where they are very comfortable, we're comfortable for several different reasons.

Speaker 2:

Okay, sometimes we're comfortable just because you know we don't have enough information to make us uncomfortable. So we just got to read a book, or we got to take a course, or we got to you know what I'm saying. We got to travel somewhere. Okay, we just have to do something that stretches our mind a little bit from just the four walls that we keep seeing every day.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so that is wisdom and exposure, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yes, ma'am, yeah, for sure. So that's one of the reasons why we were comfortable. Another reason why we're comfortable is because we're just lazy. We're just lazy, we're just lazy, and that's okay. That's okay, it's okay to be lazy, it's okay to choose to be lazy At times. No, no, no, no. I'm going to say this, and this may be challenging it is okay for you to choose to be lazy every single day, every single day. And the reason why I'm going to say this is this there's something that I teach my students it's the concept of an opportunity cost. Okay, have you ever heard of?

Speaker 1:

opportunity cost before Opportunity costs, mm-hmm the opportunity costs before Opportunity costs?

Speaker 2:

I haven't heard it said that way. Okay, so an opportunity cost is basically, when you make a decision, okay, you're choosing that decision for and forsaking what other options you may have. Yes, okay. So, for example, let's talk money, let's talk money. And Mary, you just answered the question truthfully. Okay, you won a hundred thousand dollars in the lottery. Okay, you won a hundred thousand dollars in the lottery, tax-free. Okay, let's just say it's tax-free, but you have $80,000 worth of debt. Okay, you have $80,000 worth of debt, but you just won $100,000 in the lottery. How are you going to spend that $100,000?

Speaker 1:

I am in the process of learning finance, so I will go just before. I took this class two weeks ago and what I would have done was pay off the eighty thousand.

Speaker 2:

And then that's Yep, yep. Most people would have done. Most people would answer it in that way they would pay off the eighty thousand. However, you pay off those eighty thousand, that eighty thousand dollars, you pay off those 80,000, that $80,000, what do you have left? $20,000. Okay, now you have just created a very interesting opportunity cost. Okay, once you have this, that opportunity cost just cost you $80,000. That $80,000 that you just took from that $100,000 stops that flow of money. It stops that flow. That $80,000 can no longer make any more money. So if I won $100,000, because let's be dollars, because let's be real, let's be real at the end of the day, at the end of the day, if you were to pay down that eighty thousand dollars worth of debt, I bet in a year's time, probably half of it is going to be ran back up. It's just the nature of us as Americans.

Speaker 2:

We're consumers Right, especially us as African-Americans Okay. However, however, if you were to take that $100,000 and all of that $100,000 and said, f them bills, they still gonna be there, okay, and probably $80,000 worth of debt, thousand dollars and said, f them bills, they still gonna be there, okay, and probably eighty thousand dollars worth of debt, it's probably only costing you about a thousand dollars a month, anyway, right, all right, fine, okay, but if you took all of that hundred,000 and you invested it, that $100,000 can make you 10 times the amount, and then you can come back and pay off all of that debt if you so chose. But everything is around an opportunity cost. You're robbing yourself of an opportunity. And so when you choose to be lazy and it's a decision to be lazy, right, it's a decision when you decide to be lazy, that's the opportunity cost you decided to buy.

Speaker 1:

I see the laziness in it now because of the way that you just laid it out. I see the laziness For me. My answer in the back of my mind was I don't know how to invest. So that's the lazy component, because that means I need to take the initiative to either learn how to invest I should always learn how to invest even though I'm going to hire someone else to do it for me, because how can I do the checks and balances if I don't know anything?

Speaker 2:

Absolutely. But here's the thing, and I wouldn't even say that part is lazy. That's the reason why my very first thing was you just don't know enough. You know what I'm saying. That's the first thing that I said was that you just don't know enough. You know what I'm saying. That's the first thing that I said was that you just don't know enough. But there are some people that know and don't do. They know and they don't do, which are the lazy ones. And not to say that it's, it's I.

Speaker 2:

I'm, at this point, right, and we're both people of faith, right, and I'm real big on this. I feel like and this is up for debate for sure, because I've had this debate so many times, so many times I don't feel like there's a right and a wrong. It just is, yes, it just is. There's no good, there's no bad, there's, you know, whatever. And where I get that from is literally in the first chapter of the good book. Come on here, teach the first chapter. He talks to us about the fact that he doesn't want us to eat from the tree of knowledge, of good and evil, but he wants us to eat from the tree of life. Yes, okay, the tree of life, yes, okay. So if I am not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, why am I always putting a good and evil on everything that I view? It's just life, it's just life. So when a person decides to be lazy, it's not either neither good or bad. It's a choice. It's it's life, it's your life you.

Speaker 1:

It is all a choice, because you can choose. God does not force himself on us.

Speaker 1:

It's a choice. You can choose to come to him through his son or you can choose not to. It's up to you. I know what the other thing was. I know what the other thing was you, we. I know what I was thinking about when I said the other thing. The exact words I can't recall, but we, you were speaking about how you chose your husband. You chose your husband and by you choosing your husband, he's like. I know this is biblically wrong, but I know it goes against everything people say or that is said. That is the way of the Bible for a woman to choose, and I wanted you to expound on that. What have you been told about how a woman is to be?

Speaker 2:

how a relationship is to come together between a man and a woman. Mm, so I'm kind of ignorant in that way. Um, what? What I mean by that is this I'm a. I'm a person of stories. Okay, I'm a, I got a story for everything. But, um, I told you in the, in the, in the original session, that my parents have been married for 52 years.

Speaker 2:

Yes, now, my parents, uh, we didn't grow up as a, um, as a religious family. We didn't go to church, okay, we, my parents, we just didn't, okay, but they were a good moral family, oh, they were a good moral family, um, so much so. So the kids on my block, they used to go to vacation Bible school. There was this bus that would come and pick them up, right, and all of the kids would be on the corner, and I was like the only person that wasn't getting on this bus, okay. And so one time I asked, like, what are y'all getting on this bus to do? You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2:

And so they were like, oh well, we're going to learn about, excuse me, we're going to learn about this man named Jesus, and he's so full of grace and he's so full of love, and he's this and he's that, and I remember saying, oh my God, that's my dad, I kid you not. I kid you not Like every, however, anyone would describe Jesus, that's my father. Wow, that's my father. Full of grace, full of love, full of compassion, like peace, all of that. The list goes on and on, right, okay. So anyway, going back to how I'm, I'm ignorant in that way. So I got saved, saved late, okay, I think I was like 20.

Speaker 1:

Saved later. I think it's whenever it's supposed to be.

Speaker 2:

You know how some kids just they kind of grow up in it, yes, and they know kind of like right, wrong. You know what I'm saying. So I'm saying what you do anyway. So so I'm dating this guy and I get saved, okay, and go to the altar, you know stuff like that. Right, and I'm 25 at the time and I have my son uh, I have my son already. And so I come back to my house, where my boyfriend was at the time, and I said, honey, I just got saved. And he was like, oh yeah. He was like, well, you want to do it to celebrate, marion? Listen, that's how ignorant I was.

Speaker 1:

Okay, wait okay, okay no judgment zone okay, no, that was hilarious, like I had to hold. I'm like, no, hold that together, hold it together. Hold it together, because did you just hear what you just heard? Yeah, you did. You don't need to ask her. Don't ask her to repeat, you heard it okay, all right.

Speaker 2:

So it wasn't until later I was like oh okay, I probably shouldn't have did that, but but that's, I'm just speaking to how green I was okay. So I'm, I'm a person that is not. You know, I wasn't brought up in this. You know stuff like that, right?

Speaker 1:

so you learn and and guess what? It's people that's been brought up in and it's still everybody. Listen, nobody is perfect, everybody falling short.

Speaker 2:

Keep going, I'm probably okay so, so, anyway, um, I had been told, like little bouts about, you know, you would hear the little cliches, you know what women's supposed to do, so but I was so, um, money driven and success driven, that that amount, like I knew he didn't want me to be broke, and all of these men up in this church are broke. So they, they, they're, you know, they want to date, they want to do all of this, but they don't want to make no money. So, okay, jesus, what are we going to do? So, here it is, this gal, be here at work. Okay, now, my husband was, uh, I don't want to say was, but his father owns his own church. Okay, his father is a minister of a church. Okay, very religious family. Oh, my goodness, this thing is annoying. There we go, okay, but a very religious family, and my husband was a minister in his church.

Speaker 2:

Okay, um, my husband knew just one woman, okay, and so, so, anyway, um, and his parents didn't think that I should be with him, because why would this woman who's already had a child, right, be with this man that has already had a child, be with this man that has lived such a pure life? Yes, so, anyway, to answer your question. I didn't care what the book said, what anything said. I knew what I wanted. I knew what I needed and what I wanted and what I needed, I saw that he could provide it, and it was for very, very, very selfish reasons. I did not want a man that was going to run amok over me because I knew if I got married, I was going to have to be faithful. You know what I'm saying. So I was going to have to be faithful. You know what I'm saying. So if I'm going to have to be faithful cause I ain't used to being faithful, I'm insert eye roll if I have to you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2:

I'm going to need him to be faithful, okay, and if that means choosing an ugly duckling or a nerd or whatever you want to call it, that's what I was going to do, because I knew I was going to live a life of faithfulness and I wanted somebody that was going to do the same. But on top of that, not only were you going to need to be faithful, you were going to have to run me my money. No, let me say that in a nice way. No, you were just going to have to be able to provide.

Speaker 1:

I can't with you. Let me get this camera straight. What is wrong with this camera? I can't with you. I want to address two things. First, I don't think that the quote, the phrase ugly, duckling or nerd means that someone's going to be faithful Facts, that someone's going to be financially stable. I really don't, and you're very correct that each individual person is each individual person. I really really do believe that. Yeah, one, two, what I want to make sure that I get a clear understanding of what your understanding or what you were told as to religion and how a couple is to come together.

Speaker 2:

A couple is to come together. It was told to me. It was told to me and also like I read it, that you know he who finds a wife, finds a good thing. That was my interpretation, or what was the interpretation of that that you were given Was that, you know, a man would ask a woman to marry them. You know that type of thing that a man would pursue a woman, you know.

Speaker 1:

That's what I was told, that's what you were told, and so you said you asked your husband to marry you because you had made your choice and was asking him if he was choosing you back, correct?

Speaker 2:

all right, or would you like to choose me back?

Speaker 1:

yes, I say that people have. I think that that phrase has been taken out of context in some sort. One, two. I can prove it with a story that's in the Bible.

Speaker 2:

Ooh, let's go, let's go.

Speaker 1:

Let's go. I don't like how excited you are about this. This is so good Listen. So Again, this is my understanding. I can't. Yes, this is my understanding of what's in the Bible, because it does say a man that findeth a good thing, findeth a wife. Findeth a wife findeth a good thing. Listen, that means to be found. You have to position yourself. So it's not that you were found by chance, because to position yourself means you were on purpose, because to position yourself means you were on purpose. So you purposely positioned yourself in front of him to say listen, marriage, what are we doing? You positioned yourself because he could have said no, he still had to say yes and in his yes, that was his finding. So I also relate this to in the Bible, with Ruth and Boaz.

Speaker 1:

Ruth was in the field, gleaning after the people that he had working the field, picking up what was left for her and her, her, excuse me, mother-in-law. Boaz noticed her and said excuse me, who that is? Hoppo, who that woman right there is. Let me tell y'all something. And they told her, told him, listen, she worked just as hard as the men. She out here putting in that work just as hard as them. She break when they break. She's not out here, slow, fully, just shiftlessly working lazily. No, she had a plan and she was working her plan.

Speaker 1:

I'm trying to tell you that the things that you said are biblical. She was out there working and she knew for me and my mother-in-law to make it because her husband had passed away and her brothers his also, the other, the brothers of her husband, the mother-in-law's other sons. They died, so there was no one at that time. If your brother dies, you marry that wife. That wife becomes yours because she's still in your family. So they were also dead. And Ruth was the wife that chose to stay with her step-mom and not go back. She's like no, I'm still dedicated.

Speaker 2:

Her mother-in-law.

Speaker 1:

Her mother-in-law I apologize, her mother-in-law. No, I'm still dedicated to her mother-in-law. Her mother-in-law I apologize, her mother-in-law. She was still dedicated to her mother-in-law. She's not going to leave her alone. It's like, no, your sons would not want you out here alone. I felt like that's where she was coming from, like I can't do that to to you. I have to at least honor their love of you, and so I just I feel like that wasn't written. That's just what I feel it would have been like. So he saw her and said, after they told her how amazing, told him Boaz, how amazing she was and how she, how consistent she was, how strong she was, how she worked that plan and just the respect she had to come and ask can I do this afterwards?

Speaker 1:

And the guy who headed up his business said sure, If we're finished and you see something you can get, you're more than welcome to have it finished. And you see something you can get, you're more than welcome to have it. So in a sense, she ran her business within his business because she saw value in herself and the woman she was with to make sure they were well taken care of. She thought now, this is my job to take care of this. This man, Boaz, saw her and said let me tell you something Don't none of y'all touch her. You let her keep doing what she's doing. You make sure she has everything she needs. I see her work ethic. I see her consistency. I understand what you're telling. Don't touch her. He didn't bother. After that he would see her.

Speaker 1:

They came, a time passed, a little time passed, and then there was this big dance and that mother-in-law said baby, come here real quick. I'm gonna need you to go ahead, dress up, put on that perfume and everything, but I'm gonna tell you just the moment to what Position yourself to be found. So she waited until he had his little drink. He was nice and relaxed, wasn't thinking about work, no more. And she said wait, he's moving, Move over, move over, move over. Here he come and he saw her and said I want that one right there to be my wife. That is everything you just talked about. You just talked about. That is everything you just talked about, from your mother to teaching you, to you, put you okay. I just saw the wow. I believe God's word has a bunch of wow in it, so when I see the wow, it just blesses my soul. You okay this. I know everybody is like this. Said after party yes, a different kind of party babe.

Speaker 2:

Oh, that was good.

Speaker 1:

Oh, that was good, that's everything, that's everything, that's everything, that's everything. So you don't have to say, oh, he's this and he's everything, that's everything, that's everything. So you don't have to say, oh, he's this and he's that, and I didn't know he was gold, that's enough. It would have been enough because you saw your value, so you upped your game, so you could be in position to get recognized by the caliber of man. Because, guess what, you could have asked and he could have said, no, yeah, you ask, but you positioned yourself to say, hey, this is what I want.

Speaker 2:

And Marion, when I tell you that's so powerful. This is why this is so powerful. What you just said, you literally just said it, and this is what, my goodness, it's the whole thing of. Not everybody can be a gold digger. There's someone out here being fake gold diggers. They being fake gold diggers, they're the ones that what's his name? The little rappers rap about? Okay yeah, they don't have no substance to them. They don't have no substance to them, however, and we're not even the same people.

Speaker 2:

You know what I'm saying it's almost like okay, this is a car. Okay, a car sitting in a junkyard is a car. Yes, still a car, it's still a car. But a car that's a Rolls Royce driving on the road is also a car. Yes, okay, but they're just two very different cars. Yes, their value is so much different. Okay, the value that they bring is just very different. So, anyway, but you have to show up a certain type of way to be able to be gold. Yes, you can't be this, you can't be clay looking for gold. Well, you can, you can. You can Because and I see it all the time, we see it all the time that, see it all, we see it all the time that clay ends up with gold. Yeah, we see it all the time that sand ends up with gold.

Speaker 1:

But then you also see all the time that there is no other compatibility but the one in the bed. That's it. There's no you couldn't be in a business if he, if something happened to him, you couldn't carry the business on. All you thinking is oh, I'm a salad because I'm gonna get more money. Yeah, you're getting more money, but then you run through that money and you've got no money.

Speaker 2:

Yep, yep, you have nothing to add to the family legacy, to add to the family legacy that part. And then and then, because you're so shallow, okay, you now have kids with them, and I know I've said this a lot and I could be very critical, very, very critical but now you have kids with them and then you play games with the kids. Now you play games with the kids. That's a problem for me.

Speaker 2:

Like. What men have to understand is who you decide to lay down with and procreate with, because you're the one with the seed. You're the one with the seed. She ain't got the seed, you got the seed. So the woman you decide to lay down and put your seed inside of, you got to make sure she is mentally there, emotionally there Relationally there.

Speaker 2:

Educationally there, all of it there, because at the end of the day, she's going to end up having your child, raising your child, raising your child. I can't tell you the amount of women that will mess up your money, all to get back at you about something she got mad about. Yes, and messing with his money messes with the child's money yes, it does.

Speaker 1:

Which essentially messes you up as well. What do you think?

Speaker 2:

Literally, I'm so confused how they do this. Yes, I'm so confused, yes, yes. So let me go back to money, money again. So this is this is the reason why I say this, is the reason why I say you cannot marry for love. You can, certainly. You could do whatever you want. It's a choice. It's a choice. Marrying for love was not, uh, so marrying for love was not for me. That was not in my life plan. I did not have a desire going into this for a fairy tale. I didn't go into it for that. Now, here's where God is so graceful, because, while I didn't go into it with this fairy tale in mind, I'm certainly living one today.

Speaker 1:

Wow, you keep saying the statement you shouldn't get married for love. You shouldn't get married for love, and then you go back to faith and biblical and then so let's go to the garden. Did adam really marry for love? Not at all. It was just. It was one chick there. It was only one chick for the chick to get with. It was an arranged marriage.

Speaker 2:

That part and let me tell you something. Let me tell you something this marrying for love, this is a western civilization concept. It's a Western civilization concept that is fairly new, because everyone else was practicing arranged marriages. But no, because in America and these first world problems that we have, because we want all this freedom, I don't like how you say that.

Speaker 2:

We will let 500,000 people die for the sake of our freedom. I forgot how many people die during COVID yeah, but the amount of Christians that I saw fighting for their right not to wear a mask Girl why would you bring that up?

Speaker 1:

Don't do me like that.

Speaker 2:

All in the name of freedom. You can't protect your brother and sister all in the name of freedom. So, going back to the whole love thing and this being a new, a new, a Western civilization concept, I feel like and going back to you, know who told you what was the name of our, what was the name of the-.

Speaker 1:

Listen what somebody told you. Wait, somebody told you that. Somebody told you that that that was good.

Speaker 2:

Somebody told you that that was good that that was good, that these feelings that are literally fleeting, our emotions are fleeting. We are not even emotionally intelligent and I'm going to be honest, we are not emotionally intelligent to think logically sometimes. It is illogical to marry a man that does not, that has not the ability to take care of you. It is illogical.

Speaker 1:

To marry, to even be in a relationship with, to give yourself to. Why would I do that?

Speaker 2:

It's illogical, which means that it was your emotions that led you to do that. I'm an investor. I'm an investor. I'm a real estate investor. Okay, as a real estate investor and there may be some people on here watching that also invest in real estate or would like to one day Okay, there is never a time that I show up at a property and I look at it and I'd say you know what? This building is so cute? Oh my God, this building is so cute. This building makes me laugh. Oh my God, I just love the way this building makes me feel.

Speaker 2:

If I went into an investment that way, marianne, I would be broke. I would be broke because you cannot purchase an investment based off of how I feel about it. No, let's run these numbers. Yeah, let's see if this investment makes sense. I call myself the financial matchmaker because I see all relationships, all relationships, as some sort of currency. Like, I feel like they can be related in some sort of way. Okay, likewise with my husband, the person that you are going to spend the rest of your life with, which is your biggest investment you will ever make. Yes, why would you make that investment based off of how you feel?

Speaker 1:

Because feelings change, they change and looks whoo. Because feelings change, they, they change and looks change and looks change and looks change.

Speaker 2:

So here. So now you start this road, because here's the first thing that that makes emotions change is expectations. Ain't nothing going to change your feelings quicker than an unmet expectation. Yes, ma'am, all right. You expected your husband to do this and he did that. So now you feel a way you expected him to touch you like this, but he touched you like that. Now you feel away all of these expectations. So now we, we go on to divorce court because he hasn't.

Speaker 1:

People have expectations and they don't even verbalize what it is and I feel like it's a mark that's never stable. It's ever changing because, again, as you are saying, it's going based off of your feelings. Today I want to be hugged because I'm feeling fluffy. Tomorrow I'm going to need you. Don't touch me, because I don't feel like being touched, bothered, spoken to, looked at. Okay, I get it.

Speaker 2:

Maren, it's a moving goalpost. Yes, it's a moving goalpost. That's the reason why so like for my husband and I. We caught this a while ago. After that, I told you we went to counseling and stuff like that. We actually started writing a book together and we stopped. We probably should continue, but anyway, we probably should continue. But anyway, um, we actually sat down and we said that we can't have expectations for each other. Expectations don't work for us. They don't work for us. Let's throw, let's, let's throw it all away, okay, but instead let's just have an attitude of gratefulness. Come on, anything that you happen to do for me, I'm just thankful for it. I'm grateful for it, okay. Now, here's the thing. This is how you can get, and this is how I talk to women. This is how you can get some of the things like, for example, if you would like your husband to open up the door, well, get the hell out the way so he can open up the door.

Speaker 1:

That's a very good point.

Speaker 2:

Like I expected him to open up the door. A door does not get if I'm in the presence of my husband or any man. Let's be honest, because I'm a lady um if I'm in, why?

Speaker 1:

again? I mean why, why, why? I'm a lady. I need you to understand, I'm a lady okay.

Speaker 2:

But if I'm walking up to a door and I even feel any form of testosterone okay, whether it be from a male or a male-like woman I'm stepping to the side. Oh, I'm sorry, you make me sick. I'm sorry, you make me sick. I'm sorry Whoever playing that role. I'm stepping to the side because I'm a lady.

Speaker 1:

So yet again, you're positioning yourself.

Speaker 2:

Always. But I'm not and I want to go back to these Y'all. I need y'all to get out of these emotions and count it all joy. I need you to get so okay. So you marry strategically, okay. Now there's some people that say, oh well, I can't do that. I can't, I can't. Okay, you can't. All right, fine, can you live without expectations? I can't, I, I can't. Okay. Well, okay, will you at least consider, okay, how you can allow the man to be a man by you just moving out the way you and your emotions moving out the way, okay.

Speaker 1:

So, for example, in my house, see, I also. Do you say, do you let the man know that that's what you want and that's your, and that's why you're moving and that's your expectation, that's your reason for moving?

Speaker 2:

So you can. I feel like we can say what we like. I feel like we can say what we like. We can say what we like and we can show what we like right. So, for example, I don't pump gas. These hands are too delicate. I'm a lady. I'm a lady. I went on a road trip with a girlfriend. Oh my God, I was forced to pump gas. I'm literally looking at this thing like how does excuse me, sir, excuse me, gentlemen on the other side of the pump? I'm not really sure how my husband usually does this. Oh, no problem, I got you, I got you. Listen, I will forever stay in this like, oh, in the house, like when I'm out in the street doing business, I am Wonder Woman, but inside the house I'm Lois Lane. Oh, oh, oh, oh, honey, I can't move this couch. This is too heavy for me, this is too much for me and my head is shaking.

Speaker 1:

No, because you are making so much sense. I'm like no, why is she making so much sense?

Speaker 2:

but y'all got all of these expectations because you feel some kind of way, because you, because you find yourself doing it. What if you don't do it? Most women open up immediately a bail bond service, immediately. Okay, I'm glad you asked. I'm so glad you asked, mary. Okay, I had a bail bond service as well when I got married. Okay, meaning, every time my husband would get into something, I would go and I would bail him out. That's what us women do. You had a captain hat.

Speaker 2:

I had a captain hat, I had Shakey's bail bond service was open for business, and then I realized, you know what? He can't grow so long as I keep bailing him out. So I got to close the doors to this business that I started. The doors have shut to Shakey's Bail Bonds Service and the building is for sale, and the building is for sale, and the building is for sale. And I'm going to tell you one other thing I am not a king maker. That part I have resigned from being a king maker. Him and his God can deal with that, okay, but I'm not. I'm not that, and I'm not his bail bondsman anymore. And so I wish that our frustration comes from the fact that we keep bailing them out. What would happen if you let the lights get cut off? What would happen?

Speaker 1:

You can just light some candles till he figure that thing out. Hello, what would happen if he? We can light some candles, you go babe. So what we gonna do?

Speaker 2:

What we gonna do.

Speaker 1:

Keep him in his position, keep him in his position.

Speaker 2:

But you irritated because, oh, I'm doing all of this, I'm doing all of that because you want to, because you decided to. So now we got all of these crippled men, because some of us women are crippling our boys, because we babying our boys and we toughening up our girls, so the boys laying on the couch, they chilling, they like this all day While you at work getting your master's degree, because you showing the whole world that you can do it on your own. Well, I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you, baby girl. I ain't got nothing else to say about that.

Speaker 1:

Oh, ma'am, it sounds like everything that you say connects with three words Value, because you have to have value in yourself, and then you want to make sure you're placing yourself in value, which is a choice. Yourself in value, which is a choice, and you need to choose to position. Keep people in their positions and let them play their positions. Let them play their positions, position yourself, but position yourself with someone who you trust, who you have seen you got verified receipts can play the position.

Speaker 2:

And Marion, are they from some good stock? Are they from good stock? There's a lot to be said about that, and that's biblical as well. Yes, oh yeah, that's biblical as well.

Speaker 1:

Yes, oh yeah, they did not allow mixing. They're like no, go to this, go here to this location, to this group of people, and find my son, the wife, right here. I'm not playing. No, do not go over here, go right here.

Speaker 1:

So then I go back to how we were brought to this country and what we were taught, and I believe that that's where the love and not the let's plan and grow. The plan and grow that was brought about in the word that I have, so I'm delicately tried not to say what I'm going to need to say now. The plan to grow. In slavery, the only time there was a plan of growth is when the master wanted to put a strong man with a strong female so that they could get strong seed to work their fields, so that they would have stronger lineage going. But that lineage was only to go to work the field, to work the field and have strength to sell. So that's why they put in their mind the strong male animal with the strong female animal in their mind not being human. I don't get it, but in their mind this conversation has been very enlightening, yeah.

Speaker 2:

She said yeah.

Speaker 1:

Yes, because I mean, you just made me think of Ruth and Boaz. And to actually go back to the garden, the point wasn't love, it was like can you, can y'all get together and run this? Because the Garden of Eden was a business, essentially the business of making sure that these things would replenish the earth. So I'm putting you in charge of them, which means I'm putting you in a position of leadership over them. This is your help me to help you do that. The responsibility, what my goal is. I want you to finish. I want you to finish, not to help you meet the responsibility of dominion that I'm putting over the both of you.

Speaker 1:

Because they were both named Adam. Adam named Eve what do you want to call her? But they were both Adam because that rib came out of him. They were both Adam. Adam named Eve Whoa man, whoa Eve. Whoa man, whoa man, like yeah, that's what that is. And they were both leaders. But she was his helpmate. She was his helpmate, she was there to help him, but that meant that they were both in business together. That was the first collaboration.

Speaker 2:

So that's so good. What made me sit up was because so I used to be a real big Bible thumper in my day Girl, I'm telling you, they couldn't stand to see me coming. Every time I would go to the hairdresser. When I got saved and after, you know, I did the celebratory, you know saving act that I did with my boyfriend. But I really got serious. Yeah, we got it. I was a Bible thumper, I was one of them annoying people. Okay, I don't think anybody should be like that. That like that ain't.

Speaker 2:

God, that wasn't God. You know what I'm saying. Um, but, uh, um, come on, oh, okay, but anyway, that wasn't God at all. But anyway, uh, I say that to say I, I was doing so much study on the Bible and one of through my study, I kept studying about this whole help me thing, right, it never really resonated well with me, okay, um, but through my study, the word actually means companion, it's companionship Actually.

Speaker 2:

So it was like Can they be a companion? Eve was a companion For Adam, not his slave, not his slave, not his slave, not his helper, because we see throughout the book All the time that it's them doing for one another. It's not a lesser being. Yes, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, and certainly, if anybody needed the help, at the end of the day, it was probably Eve. But, to be honest, but come on, come on, this thing is so weird, okay.

Speaker 2:

So yeah, that's all I wanted to say was, when you're looking for someone, can they be a good companion? Like I just want to know, can they just be a good companion? Like I just want to know, can they just be a good companion? But y'all, when it comes to money, going back to money, you know I'm trying to bring it back to money. But when it comes to money, who can we trust with our money? Who can I trust to be able if you are a believer, right? Who can you trust to lead your family to leave a legacy for multiple generations, because you can't be the one to do it by yourself?

Speaker 1:

That's crazy, because the question is who can? The usual question, the question I've always heard is who can I trust with my heart?

Speaker 2:

who can I trust with my money? Who can I trust with my money? My business, my legacy Business, my legacy the heart is emotional. Listen, listen. That's the reason why God gifted us with the gift of joy.

Speaker 1:

We're getting into relationships to be happy, right, uh-uh.

Speaker 2:

Happiness is overrated.

Speaker 1:

You messing me up. Happiness is overrated. Can I tell you we are back. I never left. It's the green wall behind you and the butterflies, so I never left the Garden of Eden. I just want you to know that I'm still in the garden. In the garden, to back up what you just said.

Speaker 1:

The reason why Eve was beguiled by the snake was emotions, it's all emotions. You don't know what he know. That's why he don't want you to. That was an emotion that said, wait, well, I want to know what he know. That's not no, he don't want you to eat that because you don't want you to know what he know. That's not no, he don't want you to eat that because you don't want you to know what he know. Wait a minute. Emotional, all emotions. I want to know what he know. Ma'am, listen, we done been talking for two hours. Listen, yes, yes, we've been talking for two hours. Listen, yes, yes, yes, about relationships and finances. That's amazing. I just want you to know. You have um, planted seed, nurtured and cultivated, and there is now fruit in my life of the understanding of everything you came here to share.

Speaker 2:

Thank you thank you, this was fun. Thank you, we learned a lot together yes, the way you broke it broke that thing down and up in the garden and boaz and oh my god, yes, ma'am, yes, ma'am.

Speaker 1:

So the next time they coming at you, so hold on, let me get my girl, because y'all and listen, you can say, let me get my girl married. They're going to be like you know, jesus, mama, let me get my girl married, she will come and straighten you out real quick. This was beautiful, this was beautiful. This was absolutely beautiful. Thank you, thank you, Thank you again. I have great honor and privilege, as I said at the beginning of just episode 29,. I am in the presence of royalty.

Speaker 1:

You understand the queen that God created you to be and you're refusing to have your queendom not be in any other place, but a kingdom. Come on, so I thank you. I thank you for letting me see me. So I thank you. I thank you for letting me see me. I pray that everyone has reaped the benefit and the harvest that Auntie Shaky brought here today. Auntie Shaky is the financial matchmaker Everyone enjoy. If you did not see episode 29, you have done yourself a great disservice. Go back and watch Confident you podcast, episode 29. Listen, wait. So somebody you that that was good. Now they lying to you or you lying to you. Well, let Auntie Shaky tell you the truth, the all truth and nothing but the truth. Everyone have a great evening. See you next time.