Confident You NETWORK with Marion Swingler
Welcome to Confident You Network, Confident You! The ultimate destination for cultivating unwavering confidence in every facet of life! Join us on a transformative journey through insightful interviews, enlightening group conversations, and thought-provoking revelations that empower you with the tools, tactics, and mindset needed to clarify, cultivate, and reaffirm confidence.
Tune in to the Confident You Podcast, where we bring you in-depth conversations with experts and thought leaders, exploring diverse perspectives on confidence and personal growth. Discover practical tips and real-life experiences that will inspire and guide you on your path to becoming the most confident version of yourself.
But wait, the confident networking does not end there! Join us for Confident You BONUS episodes, the conversation after the podcast, on THE AFTER PARTY where we delve deeper sharing intimate vulnerabilities and insight for personal, relational, emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual growth.
Confident You is not just a podcast; it's a community dedicated to boosting your self-assurance and helping you thrive in all aspects of life. So do what you do, grab a seat, take a walk, take a drive, and hit play, to embark on this empowering journey together. Get ready to ignite the confidence in you that always grows with positive building input.
Confident You NETWORK with Marion Swingler
BONUS #7 THE AFTER PARTY: MASTERING RELATIONSHIPS: Insights on Communication, Intimacy, and the Lifelong Journey of Love with Monique The Coach from CYP eps 26
Have you ever felt like you're speaking, but your partner just isn't hearing you? Miss Monique, the relationship coach extraordinaire, joins us to unravel the art of communication that's more about understanding than replying. Our heartfelt discussion ventures into the realms of listening with intent, the magic of diverse thinking, and why true growth in marriage isn't about reaching a destination, but rather enjoying the continuous journey of discovery together. We peel back the layers of everyday marital quirks, such as the small frustrations that test our patience, and delve into the evolution of intimacy and how our past shapes our expectations.
In the cozy embrace of our latest episode, we share our personal narratives, shedding light on the transformative power of self-awareness and spiritual growth. Unearthing the profound truth that answers often lie within and in our connection to the divine, we explore how personal pitfalls, when met with discipline, can lead to a richer life experience. The conversation takes a turn towards recognizing and overcoming those subtle temptations that resonate with our lesser-known selves, highlighting the significance of conscious choices and the strength found in aligning with our core values.
As the sun casts its warm glow over MMU, we exchange morning greetings that capture the essence of our episode's spirit—every interaction, no matter how small, carries the weight of positivity and the potential to enrich our lives. With Miss Monique's wisdom leading the way, we invite you to a journey of love, life, and learning, reminding us to end each day with gratitude, just as we bid you goodnight at the close of another enriching session. Join us, and let's navigate the wondrous path of marriage and self-discovery together.
Right now, this is the after party. It's the after party. Listen, it's about to go down. In the after party, after the episode, I find that there are even more discussions, conversations that get a little deeper. So I would like to have that opportunity to have that conversation with you, if you don't mind. Miss Monique the coach, absolutely, are you.
Speaker 1:You say it again let's get spicy, let's get spicy, that's it, that's it, that's it. Wait, I got a question because you said something and I want you to give this first because I think it's so vital. You kept referring to it. You kept saying tools of communication, tools of communication. Can you give us just a few of the tools that you should have? But I don't want to just know the many.
Speaker 1:I want to say first and foremost is the ability to listen to what the person you're talking to is, and not just your partner. But we're going to do your children, we're going to do your mama, your mom and them, listen to what they're saying, and not from a place of wanting to say your piece, but listen to embody how they're feeling and what they're going through with their perspective. Right, so that listening to respond doesn't doesn't work. It doesn't work. It doesn't work in any relationship. But listening to actually understand and feel and view your partner, the person you're communicating with, their perspective, how that made them feel, allow them to be seen and heard in your presence, heard in your presence, that's the biggest, that's the number one tool that can shift the dynamics of any relationship, even if you don't agree, especially when you don't agree, especially when you don't agree, listen, you don't have to agree, be quiet, button your lip. They used to say that right. Button your lip, literally button your lip and hush and let them talk and let them feel and let them be, and you don't input how you're feeling, what you're thinking. On that I'm going to Listening. Can I speak on it? Yes, please, listening.
Speaker 1:So even in listening, I have found that some people, the definition that they have for listening is all right, I'm going to let you go ahead, but the whole time you're talking I'm going to think. I'm thinking about what I'm about to say. How about the light you up? How about to pull up something from the past? Because I ain't let go of it? But I keep saying I'm over it, but you keep bringing it up. So are you over it? Are you what is really going on. So it's listening means that you're not thinking on your thing, you're actually listening to hear their thing and, like you said, not to agree.
Speaker 1:But can we at least come to an agreement to disagree and determine how we're going to move in this area? Because right here we don't agree, but we still gotta move forward and that's okay. You don't have to be on the same page. That that is the beauty of a conversation and a relationship. A relationship does not necessarily mean that we're thinking the same. I don't want somebody who thinks the same thing that I think, because you can't grow me. Iron sharpens iron. Say that again. You cannot grow me if you think the way that I think.
Speaker 1:I need you, yes, to think on a different level, whether that's higher or wherever, it doesn't matter, just a different level, because you're going to have a different input. You're going to have a different level, whether that's higher or wherever, it doesn't matter, just a different level, because you're going to have a different input. You're going to have a different perspective. We're going to have a conversation, a dialect, a dialogue, where we're back and forth about what's different. We could all be looking at the same show. It could be five of us looking at the same show. There's going to be five different perspectives, yes, and so I want my partner to think differently than me, because that's going to push me in the direction where I never saw myself going, which is why I had so much friction with my husband in the beginning, the first five years, because he saw me for who God, he saw me as God sees me and he pushed me in that direction and I took that as him wanting to change me or not being satisfied.
Speaker 1:Why would you be, why would I want to be married to somebody who's satisfied with me? You should always want more for your partner. You know what I mean. This meal was good, but let's keep going. Let's see what else we can do. Let's explore.
Speaker 1:Marriage is a journey. Life is a journey. Never do I want to go somewhere and be satisfied in that place. I want to keep growing and keep going. That's what I mean when I say I don't want him to be satisfied. I want him to always expect more, because then that keeps me growing and that keeps me on my toes. That keeps him from looking at somebody else's door Hello, I'm always going to have one of the cute pajamas Every time, every time, every time, every time you know a little? No, maybe not, but for the most part I want him to be my eye candy. Yeah Right, I don't want to lay dormant. This is an ever-evolving thing. A tree is always growing. A plant, as beautiful as it is, a flower, is always growing. Why can't my marriage be always growing? Wow, marriage always growing.
Speaker 1:So would you consider marriage to be, dare I say, easy? I almost said the word, I almost said the word. No, childbirth is not easy and marriage is the birth of a relationship. It is the birth of the two human beings combining themselves as one, over and over and over again. Marriage is not easy, and it is not for one who thinks that they're going to get married and that's it no different than having a child. The childbirth is tumultuous, yes, but then it's not easy. After that, every day, every week, every month, every year, there's a new thing, and marriage is identical to raising a child, because you're birthing a relationship, and it's always something.
Speaker 1:Two human beings in one space. Do two roommates get along? Not all the time. Two roommates with no intimacy, no commitment, they can't Right. When you add intimacy and commitment and responsibility for another human, in that we fighting, we fighting. Give me the boxing gloves, because it's not physical fighting. You shouldn't. You know. It's just, it's not, it's a battle.
Speaker 1:I got to deal with the noises that you make and the smells that come from your body. We're humans, so human bodies have smells. Whether we want to say that or not, they do, they do, they do. There's natural pheromones, and then there's the things that happen when you don't wash. Oh my God, oh wow, and there's somebody right there up under you, all the time, every day.
Speaker 1:And that's the part of marriage that people don't talk about. I do not, I do not allow my husband to lay on my pillow. Do not lay on my pillow. Do not lay your head on my pillow. No, no, I said no. I love you Until when, until you lay your sleeping, stinking mouth on my pillow. Don't do it, don't.
Speaker 1:These are the things about marriage that people don't talk about. Like, I love you and I will brush your teeth, I will bathe you, I will wash your feet, but don't lay on my pillow. That's my thing. Everybody has, you know, that's my thing. I don't want to smell your sleep. No, oh, my goodness, so spicy, right, so okay.
Speaker 1:So give me the top three things that you feel are the most challenging with marriage? Now, I've never been married, but I've also had the sense to, when I was different time, asked to say no, I knew it wasn't sustainable. Okay, so what are the top three, the top three things that you feel are challenges In marriage? I apologize, I didn't answer the question. I want to say number one Is allowing someone to be who they are.
Speaker 1:Like that's number one. There is a person that doesn't close the bread, that doesn't Close the refrigerator all the way, that pees on the toilets. You know there are habits. There's someone that walks around the house in their socks and then gets in the bed with those house socks where that could be grounds for dismissal right, but you have to allow that person. Grounds for dismissal, right, but you have to allow that person to be who they are. Because the same way you have those deal breakers is the same way when you pick your teeth. He can't stand it. You know, the same way, when you scratch your throat like you know that noise you make when you scratch your throat that's disgusting to him. So you have to learn how to step out of. I can't stand when he does that. That's none of your business. It's none of your business like.
Speaker 1:He's a human, so he's doing human things. Human bodies do human things, right, right. So you know who he's being human things. Human bodies do human things, right, right. So you know who he's being like with the refrigerator. Does he love you? Does he take care of you? Is he tender? Is he kind? Is he gentle? Does he bring you flowers? Does he touch you? Right, because my husband touched me in ways that no one has ever touched a. I can't. Okay, we talking spicy, so I don't want for another man to do anything to me, with me and for me, but he fucking leaves the refrigerator open. What I'm going to do is put the refrigerator behind him. Sometimes he leaves the door unlocked and that used to infuriate me. If you are my protector and my provider, how dare you leave the gate open? How dare you? He's a human. Sometimes he forgets, and so when he leaves the door unlocked, I lock it and that's it.
Speaker 1:I could be mad and I could file the divorce. Wait, divorce. How many times you pull those up? I got friends. They be pulling them joints up, say like I want to say, at least three or four times a year for five years. So like 15, 16 times, like often, and put the pen, the paper and wrote my name, like I'm not doing this, I'm not doing this, I'm not. So how is it that you still doing this? He heard me tearing up the papers, he mad. I'm still doing this because I realize that he's a human being, the same way that I'm human, and I want him to have grace and be gentle with me. But I don't have grace and I'm not gentle with him. But because he's a man, the man is the exterior, his interior. He's a human, he has a heart, he has feelings, just like I do, the same way. So the same way I expect him to be gentle with me is the same way that I'm gentle with him. So so give me another.
Speaker 1:Another thing that you feel like is a marriage challenge that you found the answer for. You said another thing that's a marriage challenge that you found the answer for. At least you're aware of it, you've worked on it, it's something that you would share. Okay, so here's the thing for me. I don't know that this is the thing in other marriages, but I was very much approved when it comes to intimacy, like you know, like oh no, we're not doing that, we don't. No, thank you, we don't do that, we don't. You want some here? It is, have some. And that that one missionary, we missionary, all day Praise God.
Speaker 1:No, you gotta be a little bit of a freak nasty, my God you do. If you are requiring a man to be devoted to you and only you, then you should provide all of his needs, the same way you want him to provide all your needs. Be a freak nasty for your husband, and it's nothing wrong with that. And I had to grow into that because you know I was ego tripping Like I've arrived and being your wife is enough. That's all I gotta do. I'm just, I'm your wife, I don't gotta do nothing else. Hello, you got me. You got me. Wait, I've arrived. I don't understand who knew about this destination. You was going to. Just you, only me. I was the only one, just me, me myself and I, all three of us, all three of y'all arrived at the same time. Or did somebody come to the party late? We all together at the same time, and that should have been enough for him.
Speaker 1:I didn't think that it required communication, authenticness, authenticity, vulnerability, all of those things Like why would you need that? I'm Monique and I'm here Because in the past, for those thirsty fellows who were not, who did not know how to feed me mind, body and soul they were okay with the body and they were so thirsty for that that that was enough. So when I got married, I'm like you want what? Like, why would you require more than just me? What are you talking about? I really didn't know what he wanted and I did not know how to receive the love that he was trying to give me. So I was in a battle with myself and him. It was a whole war for him. All three of us Did you read, read, or three of us did you wait, wait?
Speaker 1:Yeah, honey, did you wait? Yeah, you was so okay. So I can at least say from everything you said in the episode that I understand that you didn't see an example of a healthy marriage, right, so you didn't have a blueprint to follow. No, so what did you think growing up, the way you grew up, and then finally going okay, I'll take you, I'll go with you. It's me and you, we're gonna do this. What were you thinking was marriage? What was that supposed to look like? I thought that he was gonna pay the bills and I was going to cook. I made sure that he had his food when he came home, I made sure his bowls were washed and you know the house was semi-clean, because that ain't my thing. But we can talk about that later, right? So I did all those things. You better know you. I did all those things, you better know you. I did all those things and just be quiet and pay the bills, like what are we talking about me for? Because no, we're not doing that.
Speaker 1:Like my grandma said, dare I say a little cuss word. My grandmother used to say to my grandfather oh, shut up nigga, like that was her thing. She just All the time that was the whole conversation Shut up nigga, where she at. You see her picture over here, right? Uh-uh. No, you gotta pick it up. You gotta pick it up. If you could please. That's grandma and grandpa, come on here. And then she used If you could please, that's grandma and grandpa, come on here. And I can see the strength in you. They come from church. Yeah, I can see the strength in her. Wait, they were together. Yes, you see how far apart they sitting. Yeah, my grandma and my grandpa. Yes, ma'am Great grandmother? Yeah, those were.
Speaker 1:You know my parents, so to speak. Yes, ma'am Great grandmother, yeah, those were. You know my parents, so to speak, because my mom worked nights, as my sister says. So we were with them all the time. Yeah, and to me, a marriage was the man pays all the bills and he's quiet as long as he's fed. What's the problem? Don't have feelings, because you told him to shut up. Yes, he told me to shut up all the time and he would just do it, because that was the conversation. People mumbled Under his breath, but I was little and I used to be like Daddy James is what we called him. Daddy James, you okay, oh, I'm just your grandmother, always under his breath, but never out loud. So now here's my husband like, and I'm like you talking, you're not supposed to talk, you're supposed to pay the bills.
Speaker 1:So the turbulence was him and he said who were you with that allowed you to be this way? Wait, hold on, hold on, because I'm about to fall out. Did he say allowed, you Allowed? And I was like the thing was like that would have never Allowed. Well, what? So it took me a minute to understand what he was saying Allowed, not as in you're my child, but as in Tolerated. Tolerate, as in I'm your partner, you're not gonna mistreat me. So who let you mistreat them the way you're doing? Oh, baby, I was something else and had you thinking that that thing was all good, thinking it was all great. Nobody told me, nobody told so for him to come through. He was Jesus of Nazareth flipping my tables. So for him to come through and stop my show and flip my table.
Speaker 1:It was like who do you think you are? Who do you think you are to tell me that I'm wrong and how and who I'm being? But the fact is that I was very inconsiderate and very selfish, very. And on top of that, I had a son who I was pruning and teaching him how to not respect my husband, right, right. So at some point I expected him to leave because I was like I wouldn't be here If I was you and you was me. I would have left you, hold on, so you recognize your sabotaging ways. Mm-hmm, yes, and I said to him why are you still here? Because I would have left if I was you. What did he say? And he said well, first of all, he said thank you for recognizing. Thank you, thank you for acknowledging that. And he said I married you for better or worse, and we're going to figure it out, honoring your friendship, because before you're my husband, you've got to be somebody's friend to know, to know that they need you in friendship before love. Well, I guess love comes first intimacy. You've got to love somebody In friendship Before love. Well, I guess love comes first, intimacy, intimacy. You gotta love somebody A lot, a lot, right? So I don't know, that's when I start calling him my best friend, like you are really. You really are my best friend. All right, whew, this is, oh my Lord, what you got me, me here doing an after party. We supposed to be crying, now you got me crying in the after party. Spicy we, spicy I, just I.
Speaker 1:How do you get through? I heard a lot. I heard heard you say a lot. I heard I heard anger, I heard pain. Yeah, I heard some dysfunction. I heard some offense, some trauma and some not self love. How do you confront those things within yourself? How do you face them? How do you have a conversation with your anger and your disappointment and your trauma and your triggers? It is a willingness, a willingness to be honest and look at yourself and know that you're not where you used to be. Cliche, right, but you're not where you want to be.
Speaker 1:So it's a matter of I was searching for answers and that's what led me back to the 360, right, but I was searching for answers. So I took a self-help course, a leadership course, a how to be a wife course, all of those things that you know, pointed with hours. You know, this is really with you, or you can fix this, or you can fix that, or you can do that. And then those things taught me how to do things differently. But then it wasn't until I looked inward, you know, to recognize that I already have, I'm already the wife that I desire to be. So it was just, it's like a repeat, no different than you shower, like, okay, I'm going to get up and shower. Okay, intention, I'm going to be a better wife, I'm going to be, you know, a better mole, or what have you. So it was just from getting from there to here. If I had to answer in one word, it would be intention, intention, yeah, if I had to answer in one word, it would be intention, intention, that's the word intention, because to have intentionality you have to confront it, you have to face it, you have to identify it and then make that blueprint, make that plan for how it's not going to be the same, right?
Speaker 1:So, with all of the classes and courses, what would you say are the most valuable things you learned? Well, you know, as I, as I already stated, I want to say I already have everything that I need and to go within, I guess, looking for answers on the other, there aren't any answers outside of you, right? And then going through all of that and having to come back 360 to realizing that God is God and nothing and no one else can be God. I think that is the most important value that I've learned in my journey. I went through all of the things, I went high and low under across, just to come back to God is God and there is no other and that's it. So the most important thing that I've learned along my journey is to go within and be still, and that's not just a Bible verse, that's literally when you sit still, you will find the answers. I always say that prayer is asking and meditation is listening, and that is how you develop your relationship prayer is asking and meditation is listening. Yeah, I can see that, because to meditate, you need to calm your breathing, calm your thoughts. Calm is the essential piece. Centering yourself and just focusing. It's amazing because you get what to focus. While you're clearing everything out, it becomes clear what you need to be focusing on and focusing about.
Speaker 1:Wow, yeah, that seven-year-old child today who made that choice. What would you go back and tell her name? What would you go back and tell her name? You know, I would probably, although I wouldn't know what I meant at the time. I would probably tell her it is okay to be soft. You don't have to be your own protector. Let God protect you.
Speaker 1:I spent a lot of years. You know big shoulders or big kicking the door, or even the four four. I would tell that little girl it's okay, sweetheart, like God's got you. I would tell that little girl it's okay to be hard, god's got you, you can relax. Hmm, wow, kicking the door, waving the poor floor. All you heard. Papa, don't hit me. All you heard. Papa don't hit me. Listen, wait, papa, papa, father, father, father, were you, are you okay? Everything you're saying, it's like all the dots are connecting. What's connecting for you right now? Don't know. Papa, father, just papa, father.
Speaker 1:I spent a lot of time resisting and I didn't have to resisting God, resisting in my marriage, resisting myself just a lot of time. I spent a lot of time in uncertainty, what they said, where they was at for 40 days. Yes, wandering in the was at for 40 days. Yes, wandering in the wilderness. I spent 40 days and 40 nights wandering and I didn't have to. All I had to do was trust God. Can I console you with this? You wouldn't know you had to trust him if you didn't go through something. You wouldn't even know that you had to trust him. It's odd to think I had to go through that. Yeah, because look at what you got out of it. It didn't break you, it didn't kill you. It didn't kill you, it didn't destroy you. The enemy was not able to kill, steal, destroy you. You made your way back home, the prodigal daughter, and he was waiting for you right there all along. Look at that. Amen, yeah, yeah. It's amazing.
Speaker 1:I want people to not look at their lives and think I wasted this, I wasted that. See the purpose in how God used it for your good. All of those things brought you to this point, sitting in that chair right now in a home with a loving husband that you didn't even like in terms of seeing their value. In terms of seeing their value Right, okay, that's crazy. That's crazy. He is a whole manifestation of what I asked God for. Yeah, god gave me what I asked for because he loves me. Come on here, what? And the crazy thing is, I see him when he walks in the room. I see you, amazed all over again. Somebody else told me that You're so googly eyed. Yeah, I'm so swoony every time I see him. There he is. Every time, when it used to be different, he used to be ugh, there he is. Why he gonna tell me I gotta do that, why he want that. He's like bark, like a dog, yeah, a big dog. Jethro, what do you need? What do you need? My love, that is awesome. I'm so elated for you. I have.
Speaker 1:I can honestly say I have not found that or that has not found me yet, but I'm good with it because I didn't stay in unsafe places. I didn't, I didn't choose. There were times in my life where I did and by unsafe I mean saw my value in terms of what I could do for them, not really saw my value in terms of how can I edify and help build you. It wasn't reciprocated you. It wasn't reciprocated Right. And that's the part that drove me on my journey. I needed that reciprocation. I needed to know that I could pour my love and it will be poured back into me, right. So you will have that, yes, and it is so, and I'm willing to wait and not compromise. I'm fine, I am good, because I just look and I go, oh, you did. You did what for lobster dinner? I'm not, I want lobster Girl.
Speaker 1:Yeah, ooh, you just clutch your pearls. I mean, daddy, did you clutch your pearls and close your sweater? Ooh, I'm like, keep the cookie jar closed. And that's one of my steps. One of my steps is celibacy. Yep, it is celibacy.
Speaker 1:And because you are an outlet and allowing somebody to plug into you sucks your energy. So don't be that nobody plug into you. Listen, in all the spirits. No, no, no. I mean you could be still in, no, but you could be still in, not, no. There's a lot of people's energy on you. When you're looking for who you want, yeah, and then it's going to be hard for who you want to even see. He can see you. There's too many spirits blocking the way. It's like, hmm, and you're not going to see him? No, you're not going to see him because you are allowing different energies to enter your atmosphere and what happens is it becomes diluted, yeah, or he becomes diluted, so you don't get to see him for who he is when you're mixing and mingling. Yes, ma'am, yes, maling that, yes, ma'am, yes, ma'am, yes, ma'am.
Speaker 1:Now, talking about spirits, I want to discuss, before we get off here, I just want to discuss what your perspective is on this. I believe that we wrestle not against flesh and blood, we wrestle against principalities, powers, might, and those are all just different spirits, different demonic spirits. In all of the fighting that you've done, can you say, if you look back, you feel like, wait, I've been fighting this. It's been different people, but it's been the same. The enemy been trying to attack me with the same Tom fool of it. Right, right, would you agree with that? I absolutely agree, and the gag is.
Speaker 1:Here's the spin. Those are all different parts of you. Come on, you Shape, form or fashion, and that's why it's appealing to you, because you recognize it, right, whether you say so or not. Yes, these are all different parts of even those that you despise. It's a thing, because if it didn't offend you, if it wasn't like you or wasn't familiar to you, it wouldn't catch your eye, right, it would not Right. So that thing is familiar, yes, and that's why it is able to be. That's why they say he's able to kill, steal and destroy, because he is presenting something to you that is familiar, something that's going to catch your eye. So, yes, agreed, yes, yes, yes. So that's why it is important. That's why know thyself is important. Important because when you know you, the good, the bad and the ugly, then you're able to identify.
Speaker 1:I know that I'm not going to that party. You think I'm stupid. I see the trick. I see the trick and I'm not a tree. Let me tell you here I go, how much time we got. Let me see. I said we was in here and we was getting into it and I said, blank, this, I'm going outside.
Speaker 1:So I got dressed, I was real cute and I had these earrings on. I was cute, cute, right, and my hair was freshly twisted. I had a little swoop. I had on my fresh lipstick. I'm going outside. I went outside and we was in Harlem. It's a block party over here. I forget the street, but every week. It's like a stoop concert, where they play on the brownstone and the people come out in droves. When I went outside, every man in Harlem was outside. Some of them had on shirts. They didn't have no shirts, they was pencils, they was muscles, they was chocolate, they was ice cream.
Speaker 1:I said no Retreat, I'm going home. I'm going home. I'm not doing this with you, you, you or you. I'm going home. I, who, I'm going home. I'm not who, who, I, I'm going home. I'm not playing with none of y'all. I tell you I got out the Uber. I got out, I went inside. My friend was in a bar. I went inside, I gave her a hug. I looked around. She said you want a drink. I said I'm going home. You're not going to have me out here with all these men and I'm having a drink and I'm going home. So lately I wasn't outside for five minutes and I turned around and I got in the Uber and I went home. I promise you.
Speaker 1:So when I say that, I say that to say the enemy be knowing, yeah, they be knowing. So he infiltrated, came up in here and, you know, had us combating or whatever. I don't know who was at fault because I don't even know what we were talking about. And then I said I'm going outside because I thought it was a good idea. And I knew it wasn't a good idea, but I got dressed anyway. And when I went outside I said this is not for me. I'm a married woman.
Speaker 1:And now it could have been a different situation. I could have stayed up because it looked fun, it looked very fun, it looked lovely, it was lovely, and I went home because it's lovelier with love at home, that part Lusty, there it is. I can't do community profit Right. That's a problem for me. I'm going home, I know it's mine, I'm going to wake up to it, be mad at it, but it's still mine, it's my love.
Speaker 1:I came back home and I got on him. I just said what is wrong with you? I was like nothing, nothing, yep. So the enemy is slick. Yes, he is slick, honey, and you can't pull for it. And the thing you're correct, because he uses the same tricks, because we all have our own pitfalls, we all have our own snares, we all. And and to know yourself and to know your snares would stop a whole lot of tom foolery.
Speaker 1:I stay out of trouble. Knowing myself, I'm like, oh wait, yeah, nah, let me change the channel. I'm out, I have to watch something else, or fast forward or something, because I'm not playing with you. It's the little things. If you stop the little things, it can't get big. Right, right, it can't get. Ooh, stop the little things that can't get big. You don't feed it, it won't grow. Don't feed it, it won't grow. Right, don't, don't, don't. And you got to know yourself to stop To do things.
Speaker 1:I feel as though I'm doing things that are best for me. They keep me sane Because, like you said, man, I be out there busting heads. I don't want to turn psycho. I don't know why Somebody think this TV show snapped is real. Yes, it is. You can look at my 11-mile in an instant. You can just start and what it is? You're flying on your emotions, right? You're not thinking Right, because if you were, you would think the consequences of what you now say Ooh, I would love to pop them in my. I'm not going over there and doing that. No, ma'am, number one, I had kids to raise, but now I got a granddaughter to get the world ready for, because the generations are here, right, come on, it's too much.
Speaker 1:If people thought about what they had to lose with their actions. If you thought about what you had to lose before you did the thing I have been standing places and Deuce was like yo, she just walked away. I was like yeah, nah, mm-mm, this ain't right, I ain't crazy, goodbye. And I don't have time to say goodbye because if I say goodbye, you gonna try and talk. Nah, we good, we good, don't worry, it's okay, it's okay. And you can't possibly see my value because I see your wedding ring.
Speaker 1:What, what were you just saying? I don't even have to ask you what you're saying. I don't have to say you offended me. I don't have to say nothing. There's nothing to discuss. We don't have to argue. I'm not getting mad with somebody when I'm not trying to solve nothing with you. You don't deserve my anger. No happiness, you don't have any energy. Right, right, right and right.
Speaker 1:Man, listen, I just want you to know I did hear when you said I know I could sing. I'm sorry. You said what? Now Wait a minute. I'm sorry. You thought I didn't catch that. You thought I didn't catch that. You be hearing that. You be hearing everything. You be hearing everything. I don't. I don't have a verse. I don't have that verse. I don't have that.
Speaker 1:I'm not saying nothing right now. I'm just saying we're going to hit a karaoke spot. People, you will be seeing if we ever together, the karaoke spot is going to be wherever we pull up. Hello, and you better have your song ready. I'm going to have my song because it's going to be good. I'm going to have my song ready. I'm having my song ready. It's going to be good. I'm going to have my song ready.
Speaker 1:So wait, let me find out what you sing, because I know some people sing jazz, some people sing classical, some people sing gospel. You R&B. So if you had your choice, what R&B song would have been yours that you released Mine? Yes. What song out there that somebody have been yours that you released Mine? Yes. What song out there that somebody did and you were like shawty, I had done that?
Speaker 1:Home is my go-to. Stephanie Mills Home, that's my go-to. Why are you looking at me like that? That's my song and we're not sharing. Not sharing. You won't need to pick another one, okay? So let me say anything. Anita baker, you don't have to pick another song. But that's crazy that you would pick a home.
Speaker 1:I always think nobody wants to hear it, so I don't do it. I do it for me in the shower, right, right, that's my, that's my go-to. I kill it. When I think of home, I think of a place when there's love and love in my temple. Come on, I was back when baby Okay, we gotta do this, we gotta do this. Okay, so that's our song. We both gotta be ready. You gonna take the verse, I'm gonna take the verse, you gonna take the verse, I'm gonna take it. We gonna smash it. Let's go, let's go.
Speaker 1:Yes, so I appreciate you. Coming to the after party, I'm telling you, every time I have one of these, it's just different, it hits different, it just the realness that comes out, the just the nudity of the situation. That happens, the nudity, wow of the situation just happens. I appreciate you, I thank you. I thank you for, in the episode, just sharing all the business but then coming forth and giving up the biz here all the way to the bedroom and the marriage. I'm just saying I appreciate you and sharing so that someone else can be Wow, this was amazing.
Speaker 1:I appreciate you for this platform and as you are doing an amazing you hello, you're doing a lot of work. Voice coach. Look at you, confident. You. Who would have thought that voice coach would turn into you actually holding a platform for people to share their talking voice? Yeah, right, and being a vessel. All things got, all things got. Yeah, oh, this is amazing. You are amazing. This is come on, thank you, wow, thank you, thank you. It's an honor to be used. Like you, I thought it was just singing, my gifting, my space in the world was singing. I didn't know. He was like no, the voice, the entirety of the voice. If they're writing, that's their voice. They're thinking about themselves. That's their voice.
Speaker 1:The person that talks to you about you the most is you. What are you saying to yourself? You, it's your voice. What are you saying to yourself? So, whenever people bring light to the contribution, I'm humbled. Most people go. Why do you look down? It's like I feel like God's talking to me and I'm sitting at his feet and I'm humbled. I appreciate you for honoring Wow so many years. Be quiet, don't. Nobody want to hear what you got to say. And now, look at, look at God. Look at God, look at God. All right, let's get out of here. We can talk forever and ever, and ever and ever and ever and ever we're going to have a good time.
Speaker 1:I got to come to one of them, harlem block parties. You stay inside and watch me and, with a rope on my neck, and as soon as I saw you, what are you doing? Hey See, but nah, I used to be that pit bull. Well, not even used to be. I am that pit bull that kind of tries to stop people from falling into pitfalls, and the way you recognize when people are about to fall in pitfalls is recognizing when you're doing it. So I don't recognize from some high-seated place other than when you're doing it. I don't recognize from some high-seated place other in Christ, that's it. Other in Christ. I'm walking down here with everybody else and so I'm like, yeah, I choose a different walk, though Trust and believe she a bad girl. I don't mean it in a bad way. I'm just saying Don't trust me, brooklyn, right, but God tested, I'm passing. I don't want to, right, man, thank you so much, yeah, so I thank you for being here with me. The after party, like I say, it's a different party. It's different, but it's a party, it's a celebration of life. So I appreciate you sharing yours and I want you to have a great night. I'll see you what Tomorrow morning in MMU.
Speaker 1:You know where we're going to be. Hello, good morning in MMU. You know where we're going to be. Hello, good morning Nita. Yes, all right, lady, you have a blessed one. Thank you so much for coming. You too, my dear, have a good night. Bye, you too.